two is twice as nice

just a couple of random thoughts.  Before we had Birdy, I wondered how it would be to have two children.  Of COURSE we'd love baby number two, but really, there was no way that baby number one wouldn't be our favorite.  After all, how could any one person be asked to live up to all that baby number one is?  I went forward and trusted that there was enough love to go around and that we wouldn't completely ruin  baby number two.

So here's what it's really like for me:  when I'm with Nora alone, I am positive that she is my favorite.  Like, giddily positive and how could anything or anyone in the world compare to my first baby.  And then... when I'm with Birdy alone, I feel almost guilty for how SURE I am that she is, indeed, my favorite and imagine if we hadn't have had her wouldn't life be so empty.  And when I'm with them together?  Well then I'm sure I won the universal lottery to have been given TWO children such as these...  TWO.   Me!  Me - who isn't 'lucky,' me - who has a birth defect and was told by a doctor at the age of 17 to never have children, me - who is adopted and doesn't know much useful genetic information, ME, unbelievably me!  The lottery is not fair, I didn't deserve it, I certainly didn't earn it, but damned if I didn't win it.