celebrate ruminate appreciate seal your fate

i love simplemom. So bear with me for one more interview from her site -- I found the other one clarifying.
1. What skill do you most want to learn this year?
I want to find and adopt a home management technique that really works for us. I am trying FLYLady right now and will move on to other systems if this one doesn't fit. I no longer want to spend time feeling guilty about the house not being perfect -- or even worse, spend time NOT doing something I think I should do so that the time is a double loss.
2. What is one skill you already have that you’d like to improve this year?
Really enjoying the good stuff.
3. Name three books you most definitely want to read in 2009.
'Love in Infant Monkeys' by Lydia Millet, 'Imperfect Birds' by Anne LaMott (can't wait for this one!), and 'Dry' by Augusten Burroughs
4. In what specific area do you most want to encourage your spouse? What are some ways you can do this?
He works very hard and I would like to be more supportive of his career aspirations and what it takes to attain them. I can do this by having the house running smoothly, appreciating his hard work, and encouraging him.
5. Think of one of your major life goals. What will you do this year to make you one step closer to reaching that goal?
My major life goals have all taken detours. I'm no longer sure where I want to land.
6. Name your kids’ biggest strengths. What are some ways you can specifically nourish those strengths?
Nora's strengths include how hardworking she is, her independence, creativity, and determination. I can offer more opportunities for her to try new things that stimulate her traits and expose her to possible new strengths.
Birdy is a good cuddler and I'd be more than happy to cuddle her all she can take.
7. Name your kids’ most prominent weakness. What are some ways you can encourage their ability to overcome it?
I feel blind to their weaknesses. I suppose that Nora is quite stubborn and can be inflexible. I can work on giving her tools to express her frustrations and to find acceptable solutions in situations where she does not want to flex.
8. What is one of your strengths? Think of some specific ways you can exercise it this year.
I'm good at leading things I am passionate about. I can join/start something at church. I can work hard to keep my heart open in all relationships so that I don't miss opportunities.
9. What is one of your weaknesses? Brainstorm some ideas on how you can overcome this deficiency.
My depression is a huge weakness. I can keep seeing the doctor and keep taking medications. But what I'd really hope for is finding my place on this earth again and enjoying health.
10. Think of an important relationship aside from your spouse and children. How will you nurture that relationship this year?
I pick Mom. I will work to support her and listen to her without an agenda of my own.
11. Name a few ways your physical health could be improved.
I could lose weight, become more active, and go to bed earlier.
12. Name a few ways your family’s financial health could be improved.
We could spend less, save up for some specific goals, and pay off debts.
13. In what way do you want to draw closer to God?
I want to fully trust Him and His grace. I could be more prayerful and less willful.
14. What is one area of home management that frustrates you? Think of some specific ways you could improve your attitude about it.
Grocery shopping and cooking dinner. I need to let go of my previous life (a lifetime ago) where my efforts were mistreated and learn to perform these tasks joyfully. OR figure out how to delegate them...
15. Have you ever created a family mission statement with your spouse? If so, why not do one for this year?
We need to do one for just the four of us. We've had one when we had no children and have created drafts for our family with Jordan and with Denise. It's time we have our own. As I reflect upon my reluctance to do so, I'm realizing that my symptoms of depression make me feel as though I cannot do what is 'right' or will fail Joe and the girls. One of my goals must be to find proper treatment --medication, if necessary-- to make the symptoms have less power in my life.
16. Name one specific thing you could do with your spouse this year that will deepen your intimacy.
Go away with him overnight. Support him in pursuing a hobby or class outside of our family.
17. What is something that is continually undone in your life? What will you do to fully complete it this year?
Our scrapbooks. I need to either catch up or let them go.
18. In what ways will you be involved with your local community?
Church, activities for Nora, and once Birdy is a bit older, volunteering for the local shelter.
19. What is one thing you’d like to accomplish by your birthday this year?
A smoothly running home.
20. Think of three words you’d like to describe your 2010.
Energetic, Organized, and Joyful.

nye ruminations

thanks to simplemom

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
The birth of our second daughter, Roberta Layne Mays.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Losing Dad.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Tied between quitting my horrid job and Mom moving to our town and joining our church.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
Dealing with legal issues surrounding horrid job and BDSatan.

5. Pick three words to describe 2009.
Growth, Grief, Joy

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2009 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
Sad, Great, Important

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2009 (again, without asking).
Challenging, Sad, Joyful

8. What were the best books you read this year?
"Push" by Sapphire, "The Shack" by William Young, "The Middle Place" by Kelly Corrigan, "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen, I also guiltily and deliciously enjoyed the Sookie Series by Charlaine Harris.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
With Joe, Nora, and Birdy. Also with this blog and my cherished friends who read it. There were times when I really leaned on you. Thank you so much for the support and wisdom and laughter.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Learning to be here without Dad.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
Maybe this year was about learning to stand. Learning to stand without Dad, standing up to BDSatan, standing up for myself and my children... standing.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I'm learning to take more leaps of faith and to rest in grace.


13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
After having a disappointing experience with my first try, I've had a wonderful breastfeeding experience with Birdy.


14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
I think I'm learning to dare to be just me.

15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
Managing family events, finances, and paperwork.


16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
Meal planning and grocery shopping.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
This computer.


18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Any time spent with family -- especially the girls.

19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
That I just may be enough.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.
A year of great loss and even greater blessings.

what a merry christmas

we are so grateful and blessed to have enjoyed the holiday with our daughters, family, and friends. There are no huge highlights this year, but rather a pattern of calm joy. Now that I write that, I think that calm joy has been my aspiration in most situations. We baked cookies with friends on the 23rd:

On the 24th, we went to the Mays' as has become our tradition. The visit was nice and the three hour drives on both sides were better than expected. That night, we prepared for Santa:
The next morning, Joe and I were up before either of the girls. We had the tree lights on and were enjoying coffee when Nora peeked from the stairs and whispered, "He eat my cookie!"
The girls enjoyed opening their gifts. Nora was so pleased that Santa brought her the rocketship and fishing pole she requested. When I asked her later about her favorite gift, she said her rocketship without hesitation. Nora was a joy to watch open gifts this year. She was very gracious and polite saying things like, "This is just what I wanted!" or "This is my heart's wish!" all the while cleaning the wrapping paper up as she went.

We went to Mom's on Christmas Day. She is now just five minutes away! How I love that. It was our first Christmas without Dad and we all missed him. We don't sit around mourning him -- partly because my mom would never allow it. She is quite careful to remain strong (not robotic, but strong) in front of the girls. He would have been so proud of my mom, loved that Ben gave Becca a 'promise ring' this year and gotten a kick the plays that Johna and Hannah created. Even better, he would have been annoyed at the same things that annoyed me. And most of all, he would have loved little Roberta.

v-day d-day

joe got a vasectomy on friday. While we were pulling into the hospital parking lot -- hell, while we were in the hospital room, I was still saying things like 'This is the right thing' or 'This is what we want, right?' It's a strange place to be- to say deliberately that we will not have any more children.
Forever and ever, amen.
Even while holding our growing-too-fast infant daughter and loving every second.
We both agree that if we were younger, we would not be so quick to finalize this decision, but reality is that we are as old as we are and it just doesn't make sense. Reality once again interferes with my dream world. It's final and sad and right for us. And the truth is that we're both very interested in providing foster care -- after the girls are a bit older -- which could very well lead to a larger family.

not as funny

so i posted birdy's birth announcement here without noting my the troubles with them. I found the design on Etsy and was so excited because 1) I love it, and 2) I could order 4x6 prints and save tons. To top off my savings, I had heard good things about a new photo printing company (Arts Cow -- note this is not an endorsement) -- and when I went to their site, they had 100 free prints for new customers. Oh, imagine my good fortune! So about five weeks ago, I placed our order. A few days later, I received an email that my order had been printed and shipped. I ordered envelopes. addressed them, and eagerly welcomed the mail each day. Around Thanksgiving, I realized it had been much too long and contacted the company. They confirmed the information I had and added one, very important piece of information. The prints had indeed shipped on the day I had been told --from Hong Kong -- so could I please give it a few more days beyond the expected date? Each day since, I've weighed my options: should I reprint? what if they arrive? I hate to waste... how close will we now be to Christmas cards? should i insert them in the cards? skip it? but I've already addressed the envelopes!.. and on and on.
They arrived today. They're too dark. And they're going out. I can't give them another moment's thought -- not even to be wise about postage.

i <3 funny

and nora now makes me truly crack up at least once a day. I love lying in bed at the end of the day and laughing with Joe about something she came up with that day. I can't believe how quickly I forget them. Here is what I remember right now:

n: how you reach that?

m: because i'm tall

n: you a wittle bit short

m: i am? why is that?

n: because you can't weach God. him way way up there.

She was trying to convince us to turn off the Christmas tree lights one night. We all kept asserting that we wanted them on. She said, "It too much wight! People be dying fwom too much wight!"

We were talking about going to see Santa and she was all excited going over the details with us but then looked a bit concerned and said, "And den I haff to go down the big swide?"

One day she was resistant to cleaning up her toys and I threatened to throw the toys in the trash if she didn't clean up. The second it left my mouth, I regretted it because it is not how I like to motivate her or communicate with her. My regret only blossomed as Nora's face brightened and she said, "YES, mama! Dat good idea. Dese toys is OLD!"

roberta layne

birdy's five week stats

24 November 2009
almost 5 weeks old -- posting this late

22 1/2 inches long
15 inch head circumference
10 pounds 12 ounces

She has outgrown her 0-3 month clothing and now is in 6 month for the length if nothing else. This is a big difference from our preemie! She likes tummy time and holds her head up well -- she even gets up on her knees somehow. The doctor assured her that crawling was not yet necessary. Birdy eats every two hours still and is such a love. We're just soaking in these newborn days knowing they don't last long. <3

thankfulness

thanksgiving was wonderful. We have so much to be thankful for but I hesitate to list it all. I blame my niece for this because when she was little, when we would do our family tradition of going around and saying what we were thankful for, she'd always say she was thankful for God or Jesus or something of this ilk. Holy trump cards - how could anyone else say anything else?

here are our two little turkeys on Thanksgiving morning:

and here is the wonderful take home card that Johna made for each guest:

Thanksgiving! thanks! card!

Thank you for coming -- we liked your thankfulness -- here is some candy

born under a good sign

just sent off for birdy's presidential congratulations card. I didn't try this for Nora for obvious reasons -- I'll let you know if it works. To get your own Presidential Birth Announcement Congratulations card, mail your birth announcement to:


White House Greetings Office
Room 39
Washington, DC 20500


When you send the birth announcement card to the above address be sure to include the following details: the name of your baby, the baby's date of birth, name of the parents, and the address to which you would like the card to be sent.

swine flu catch up

i really thought that between our vaccinations and the fact that i never leave the house, i would not have to endure swine flu. I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's taken me a week to be back to myself and I still am exhausted and have an irritating cough. I've heard that those two are here to stay for a while.

Birdy was officially one month old yesterday. Time is just FLYING. I know everyone says it, but it truly seems like time is flying even faster than it did when Nora was a baby. Maybe its having two children or maybe its knowing Birdy is the last baby -- I don't know. I feel cheated -- I want to shut out the world and take her to a room with me and be sure I enjoy every second of her. While I was sick, we had to limit my contact with the girls for the first 48 hours of taking Tamiflu (bc of the flu, not the medication.) We gave Birdy her first bottles of EBM and she took them pretty well. She also went back to the breast without an issue. So glad that it didn't result in nipple confusion or whatever they call it. We used Breastflow Bottles by First Years. I highly recommend them as they were easy to use for both baby and parents and she is going back and forth without issue. Introducing a bottle also means that Joe is able to feed Birdy sometimes. He has expressed that he feels a bit left out this time around. Poor guy -- last time, the world rested on his shoulders: Nora was in NICU, I was in ICU and then when I came home I had debilitating Postpartum Depression. He evidently enjoyed some of that huge responsibility.

I'm starting to get caught up on the regular stuff of running the house -- laundry, bills, dishes, cleaning, thank you notes, etc. I can't wait to find my groove and actually get caught up. Finishing the photo albums has been on my list for well over a year -- I sure would like to actually complete something. I keep considering stopping the photo stuff and then Nora or one of my sisters will haul a book out and enjoy it so thoroughly that all the work and stress is worth it. Maybe if I didn't sit in front of the computer so much, I'd accomplish other things? I just wonder how everyone else does it? I'd like to write more, but Birdy is napping so I need to use this time wisely...

a little bit why i love that nisey

the closing sentence from her report on life insurance:

"So in conclusion, without insurance you won’t have anything. Also your funeral won’t be that great either."

siggies over time

on the boards i visit online, members have 'signatures.' Below are mine just because I want to put them in one place. These have been made by friends and by strangers -- such a neat way to watch Nora grow!

3 (4) + 1 = <3

heather asked about our experience of going from one to two children. I can't remember where I read it, but before Birdy was born I read an article that described having your first child something like coming home and finding that someone has moved your house to a different neighborhood, changed the rooms around and boxed all of your things up randomly. The author said that having your second is like coming home and finding that someone has rearranged your furniture. I've found this to be a perfect analogy. Going from one child to two really wasn't that big of a deal over here. Of course, we have to address balancing the needs and wants of both girls but it's not like our days (or nights) are so different from pre-Birdy days(was there ever such a thing?) I would say that for us, balancing the needs of a fifteen year old with two little ones is much more of a challenge. Or maybe (more likely?) its having three children and two parents that presents the challenge.

Speaking of that fifteen year old, I don't write much about her here. It kind of feels like a violation of her privacy and I'm not sure why --- part of her story is my story, after all. Nisey is doing very well. She works very hard everyday and even made honor roll last grading period. Nora loves having her here and misses her each time she's gone (as do we all.) We're so proud of her and all that she's accomplished -- not only her hard work but her positive energy and joy for life that is simply infectious.

because you may not have enough evidence

this is for birdy -- and really, for nora, too -- but mostly for birdy because nora will have photographic evidence thanks to people other than her mama. Birdy, there may not be enough photographs but I want you to know that I am soaking you up. Each day, every little noise, every smile, every grunt and sigh, every sleepy giggle, every wave in your hair... all of it. I am breathing it all in and it is becoming me. I apologize that I don't take near enough pictures (and the ones I take aren't so good!) but know that I'm here and present just basking in the glory of you girls. Hopefully, your Dad will take enough pictures to balance it all out.


Bird, here are some little things that you already do that fill my soul:

• how you have no use for swaddling
• how well you sleep with me
• how when we cuddle together, we create oven-like heat that we both love
• your dirty looks when i open a diet coke
• how you're always making some sort of noise
• your little bowed baby legs with baggy knees
• how your cheeks just keep getting chubbier
• how you stare at your sister while she holds you
• how you know what you want and will not be swayed
• your little sleepy smiles (gas or not, they melt me)
• the way you laugh in your sleep (I can't wait to find out just what you find so funny)
• how cuddly you are
• your crooked little feet
• how you have my palms and Daddy's fingers and how you haven't grown into either yet
• the way you enjoy me massaging your feet and legs
• how calm you make me feel

I love every little thing about you. Thanks for being ours.

nora's joke

nora has been enjoying telling jokes lately. Here's tonight's installment to her act:


Nora: Knock Knock

You: Who's there?

Nora: I have good news and bad news.

You: (Nora will instruct you on what to say should you forget...) What's the good news?

Nora: I can come home.

You: What's the bad news?

Nora: I can't come home.



This should be followed by gales of laughter. Hilarious. Right?

sisterly love

it seems that nora got all of her sibling rivalry issues out of her system before birdy made her official entrance into our family. After all the worry, regression, and insistence that she was my baby and I should not have any more, Nora has turned out to be the most wonderful big sister. Her first and last words of the day are about 'her baby' and she gleefully introduces Birdy to everyone she meets (even though Birdy doesn't really get to go many places yet -- Nora tells everyone that 'we got our Birdy!' whether or not she is with us.) She showers her with kisses and hugs, holds her so sweetly, and happily shares anything with her -- including her parents. I couldn't be prouder or more blessed.

37

yesterday was my 37th birthday and i'm only noting it here because it seems like something i should record. Birdy did not go to bed the night before so the little bit of sleep I did get was in the recliner. I spent most of my birthday yearning for a nap in a sleep deprived stupor. I woke up to balloons and my favorite donuts waiting for me for breakfast and then at lunch, my sister, Sue, brought my favorite lemon rice soup from a local restaurant, then Joe made tacos for dinner. Yum... I received nice gifts and Nora was so excited to surprise me with her drawings. All wonderful. I just wish I wasn't fighting complete exhaustion and could enjoy it all.

Birthdays are always wonky for me. I think that I should feel birthday special on that day and most years, I do not. Then after it passes, I think I missed some special moment that I now have to wait an entire year to have another shot at doing it right. Now that I write it, I realize how childish it is. Perhaps my feelings about birthdays (could skip them, really) are just grown up and normal. But then another part of me fears being someone who doesn't celebrate joyfully and misses out on the best life has to offer... OH, whatever. I'm sleep deprived and probably shouldn't be trying to think.

birdy's birth story

our planned c-section was scheduled for 8:30 am on thursday, october 22, 2009. Despite my misguided plans of one final and fantastic night of sleep, I slept not at all the night before. (what on earth was I thinking? I don't sleep the night before vacation or even before big parties and haven't had a good night's sleep since about month four!) The next morning, Mom and Johna came over early to sit with Nora while Denise, Joe, and I made our way to the hospital. We arrived at 6:30 am and were done with all pre-testing by 7:30 am. I was pretty nervous about the spinal block procedure. I'm happy to report that worrying about it was, without a doubt, the worst part of getting one. It was all very surreal -- lying around, chatting with Joe and Nisey... just waiting for the scheduled hour to meet our beautiful daughter. It was not at all like I had imagined that time, but still magically expectant with possibilities. Around 8:00 am, I was taken to the operating suite (located right on the labor & delivery floor, with a gorgeous view of autumn trees). Unfortunately, they could not allow Denise in the room because she is a minor -- instead she had to wait right outside the door where they would update her and she would be the one to accompany the new baby to the nursery. They administered the spinal block, the doctors arrived cheerful and joking and then Joe was at my side. Minutes later (after some tugging and even more complaining about the last surgeon's work) at 8:46 am, we heard the soft, melodic cry of Roberta Layne Mays (Birdy) entering the world. She measured 19.5 inches, weighed 8 lbs 9 oz and was named to honor my wonderfull loved and horribly missed dad, Robert Wayne . Joe left to accompany her to the nursery and the doctors worked to finish my side of things. In recovery, they all told me that between Joe and I, we had given them much more trouble than our baby ever had. While in the nursery, Joe became a little queasy and had to sit down -- not really a big deal -- especially considering that just a bit earlier he had cavalierly told me, "I just saw your bladder..." (those of you who know Joe, know that medical business can throw him a bit). Anyhow, I told the nurses that I thought it had been a splendid experience and thanked them for their care. They laughed and told me that my blood pressure had dropped dangerously low because I lost two times the amount of blood they would like to see in a procedure and had to be kept in recovery much longer than usual. They said that the baby was wonderful but that her mom and dad were trouble. This is just another silver lining in Nora's difficult delivery --- Birdy's delivery was a DREAM to us - regardless of the opinions of medical professionals.

Around 11:30 am, I was moved to my room. I was wheeled in and there stood Nisey with her newest niece telling her that her mommy was coming. Oh, it was just wonderful in every way. I was able to hold my daughter and breastfeed her. It was love and complete devotion at first sight. She looks so much like her older sister that its a double wonderful experience -- one of just Birdy and one reminiscent of Nora. The whole experience was such a contrast to my first experience. In fact, the only negative to this experience was that Nora was not allowed up to the labor and delivery due to swine flu. I missed her so much and having to wait to share this with her was difficult. Luckily, my doctors worked to have me home by Saturday morning.

last day

today is the last day i will ever be pregnant and its bittersweet. One of the strange things about scheduling a c-section is this. This knowing exactly when and how. I've gone back and forth on the c-section decision and have decided that this is best for our family. I am 39.5 weeks along and because of my blood pressure, cannot really do much. No driving, no working, but more importantly, no playing with Nora in the way that she wants me to (and I want to.) Flip side -- I'll be in the stupid hospital longer and face a longer recovery period... UGH. I was really hoping that Roberta would make her appearance today -- uncoaxed and perfectly on time.

the shack

so i read it... and liked it more than I anticipated. It's easy reading and I'm not sure if it was pregnancy hormones or the book, but I actually cried a considerable bit. Here's one of my favorite parts from the book:

In response to the main character questioning God about why he has so much fear in his life:
"Because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe I am am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it; you talk about it; but you don't know it."

That really resonates with me. Because we do find it easy to believe we're not good enough, that's we're sinful, unworthy and fail at every turn... it's much harder to believe that we're THAT lovable or THAT loved. What if we are?

a little bit of ketchup

just some random catching up so that i can go on to normal posting again one day... I had to deal with still more legal stuff regarding my former employment. I can't really talk much about it but having the latest inevitable hurdle crossed is a relief and hopefully, the stress will start to diminish. It's all very draining.

Some Nora stuff:

Nora can beat box. And she thinks she rocks at it, too. I thank Biz Markie from Yo Gabba Gabba.

She told me I should have my eyebrows grow together.

Progress in big sister land… she told me today she had plenty of room in her bedroom for Birdy’s crib. And that she’d make it comfy.

Nora loves spending parts of her days naked. She'll say "I be naked for a wittle bit." Her naked time has expanded from about a half hour a day to 2-3 hours (or longer) when we don’t have to be anywhere. One of the positive side effects is that (as long as we don't talk about it) she is naked potty trained.

During my meeting yesterday, Joe took Nora to Millennium Park. There, they saw 'the Bean' -- everyone calls it that for obvious reasons. Everyone except Nora, who calls it the big Donut.

book recommendation for bringing second baby home 10.07.2009

we’ve read so many of them and most of them aren’t great. We are really liking this one:

full moon rising 10.06.2009

i dreamt last night that birdy came so quickly that i felt that i had not experienced proper labor and delivery. Oh, let’s all hope for such problems! Yesterday, I slept every moment that I wasn’t caring for Nora – even went to bed when she did. I’m hoping that it’s some sign that Birdy will appear soon. Really, I’m at the point where ANY little thing (the moon, for example) is being turned into a sign that Birdy will appear soon. Last Friday at our 37 week OB appt, my cervix had done absolutely NO work -- the lazy little thing. I was almost in tears over it. While I am a second time mom, I’ve never been 37 weeks pregnant. Nora was born at 33 weeks and I was on bed rest for weeks and weeks before that. While that certainly brought its own list of worries and complaints, they were very different from my current list. What I know about both lists is that they are infinitely worth it. I wish I could make myself treasure and enjoy these last days of my last pregnancy, but I’m just so uncomfortable and tired.
And eager to meet my second daughter.
Also of note… the only thing drawing the eye away from this gargantuan belly are the fetish-sized mammaries I’m hauling around. Where’s my GLOWING??? I just wanted to glow...

joe's fortieth birthday party 10.03.09

was wonderful. He had a good time, Nora had a good time, and I had a good time. I hope that this is true for all of our guests, as well. It was so fun to celebrate this incredible man who I have been lucky enough to call mine. His thoughtfulness, generosity, humor, kindness, and intelligence are amazing. His actual birthday is on Wednesday – we went out for dinner to celebrate him on Friday night, I think I’ll make tacos (his fav) Wednesday night… Something… I don’t want it to go by without anything. There's just no predicting how I'll feel on any given night anymore and there's always algebra homework and the like...
Some party observations… We kept the menu pretty simple (and yummy) and it worked well – much less waste than when I try to please everyone and offer way too many options. I think part of the reason I had such a nice time was that I didn’t try to make everyone happy. Some people are shy or not social – me running to their side regularly does not change that. Beyond initial greetings and natural conversation, I just let people be whoever they are – even if it sometimes looks uncomfortable to me. It took the pressure off of me although it may not be the most hospitable I can be. Guest lists -- who shows up is sometimes surprising, but most often, it’s our core group that I cannot imagine having a party without. Similarly, those who don’t show (mostly family) really are not surprising. It’s not like we have that many events. Normally, we have a party for Nora each year and that’s it. For Joe’s 40th, I expanded the list a bit to include some extended friends and family. Anyhow… my question is: How many times can people not show for something before we quit inviting them? What do you do?

things i've learned with no internet 10.06.2009

i haven’t had internet for over a week now. It’s been worse and easier than I had imagined. I’ve always thought of it as my guilty little pleasure – and you can be sure that it still is. But I’ve learned that I also conduct a ton of our family’s ‘business’ on it. It’s a way more legit pastime than I previously believed. Bills get paid, gifts get ordered, family gets included, money gets transferred, grades get checked, calendars get synced, friends get caught up (I think this is the part I miss the most), music and radio shows get downloaded, research gets done for all sorts of family members… I may ‘waste’ time on the internet, but the efficiency it allows me in other arenas of our life more than makes up for that. From now on, it will be my guilty little pleasure.

i miss my dad

i just do.

its not a matter of if, but when

this little phrase has kept me up all night. Somewhere, someone told us something unpleasant about birth or pregnancy or labor or breastfeeding or something. I remember my eyes getting big and looking at Joe and saying HOW DID WE NOT KNOW THIS... And now I can't recall what it is. Unfortunately, I can't stop thinking about it either... I'm off to conduct what I'm sure will turn out to be fruitless, yet horrible internet searches.

sibling class valedictorian

ok. So there was no 'official' valedictorian, but we could totally tell that if there were to be one, it would be Nora. She LOVED sibling class at the hospital. I wish I could take her every week. She called the nurse her 'teacher' and went right up to her to say hello and later, to thank her. They learned about little babies, talked a bit about their babies, toured the labor and delivery floor, and then had a short movie and a snack. I was surprised at all the questions Nora could answer about her baby. Gender, name, even that she will sleep by her mama. We've never discussed it and nothing has been set up yet. A good reminder that they are always paying attention.

A couple of snapshots:

Nora dancing at TGIF restaurant

Nora all ready for western night at a church dinner

making life easier

with very little effort is my kind of thing. Knowing that baby Birdy will be here soon, I've taken a renewed interest in streamlining things in our lives. I checked "The Clutter Diet" by Lorie Marrero out of the library and read about half of it. It's full of great ideas, but I was close to being overwhelmed which would most definitely NOT result in my taking the advice offered. I will check it out another time when I'm ready to tackle more. Here's what I took from this reading and actually implemented painlessly:

• Get a Motivation Partner. The person can be via email or phone (not recommended in person as it can turn into a time suck). You both present what you intend to accomplish in a week and then check in with each other on a given day and time. So... I didn't really implement this one. Y. has been very busy and I intend for her to be my partner... for real. I'm gonna do it.
• Rather than deleting each email I receive because I've ordered from a company or signed up in the past for a newsletter, I've spent the past two weeks actually "unsubscribing" from each of them. The reduction in trash emails is tremendous.
• These three sites remove you from credit offers, magazine offers, and catalogs: www.dmachoice.org , www.CatalogChoice.org , www.optoutprescreen.com . As much as I look forward to going through the daily mail, the amount of waste (paper, resources, and time) is alarming. I can't wait to see the effect this has on our mail. DMA Choice even contacts the catalog companies directly on your behalf. All of this is FREE.
• Finally, I also updated our information for the state and federal do not call registries. Federal: www.donotcall.gov and State: ww.callcompliance.com/regulations/statelist.html

Even the items on here that don't really drain THAT much time, DO drain energy. Their very existence means that I must do one thing more -- even if it's hit the delete button. I'm also hoping that the lack of marketing results in a lack of spending. It seems logical that if I'm not hearing about these great 'deals' I won't be purchasing as much. Freeing up brain space AND money -- do you guys have any tricks I can add to my arsenal?

m&m's wedding

was beautiful and wonderful and everything a wedding should be. Everyone was so calm and having such a great time all day --- even when we had to start all over with our hair after the salon made us look horrid. I had some sciatica issues standing up there, but other than that, I did well. Every guest seemed so truly happy for the couple -- every detail fell into place -- I could go on and on. It was just a wonderful start to their new wonderful life together. Couple of photos (the photographer [who I couldn't recommend more]: http://www.angeleyesphotography.com/)

a new low

i just suggested a movie to my beautiful little girl who wanted to go play outside. Between the swelling, sciatica, and braxton hicks, I can barely stand much less play. Poor Nora. Luckily, she's happily cuddled up with me watching The Little Einsteins Huge Adventure...

As long as we're sitting here, I'll share some funny things she's said lately:


The phone rang one morning and as I went to pick it up, she held up her hand and said, "I'm not here." I don't know where she even got this from because we screen our calls and are known for not picking up (as opposed to being creative about whether or not we are home.)


Sitting in her carseat the other night, she said, "I texting peoples." Us: "Oh yeah? Who are you texting?" Nora: "BOYS!" Poor Joe. I blame Nisey.


She saw a short bus and said that THAT was the bus she wanted to ride. As many of you know, we've had a complete regression for potty training... So I said, "Oh! Buses are for BIG kids know how to use the potty." She said, "Mom, I know how to use potty, I just not do it. Okay?"

We were asking her the sounds that different things make and asked her what Daddy says. She said, "Waa waaa waaaa. I wanna be the Mommy!" When I asked her what I always say, she said, "how much you love grandpa."

In the car this morning, Nora told me that she doesn't like clowns and wants them taken out of the circus. I couldn't agree more. I'm not a fan of the circus so I'm blaming television for her knowledge of them. However, I take complete credit for her absolute genius evaluation of those damn spooky clowns.

The other night we took a bath together and she was putting bubbles in my hair and on my belly. As you may know, Nora has had no interest in this baby process. That she was paying any attention to the belly was a gigantic step. I told her how the baby loved it and said oh, if you put your hand on my belly you can feel her moving because she likes it so much! She stopped what she was doing and said, "you give me YOUR hand!" So I did and she proceeded to put it on her belly and the exaggeratedly moved her belly around and said, "SEE? I'm growing a big sister!"

We're doing the sibling tour this weekend at the hospital. Hopefully, it will be exciting to her...

Or not.

falling in love again

last night, i fell in love with birdy. It's not like I haven't loved her from the moment I knew of her, but this was a more concrete and specific kind of thing. I talked to her on my three hour ride and laughed and just felt so much gratitude and love for her. Specifically HER. Not the idea of a baby, but this little Birdy.

miscellany.

i'm so far behind here and keep hoping that i'll write something. Something eloquent and laconic and thorough. Alas, none of that is coming to me and the list of things I wish I had recorded keeps growing. So, in no particular order, here is my catch-up post:

We had our final Level II Ultrasound of Birdy last Monday. We couldn't see her face (because cooperation is overrated. And so predictable.) but everything else was good. They told us that she was 5 lbs, 2 oz which would put her in the 90th percentile (YES. The percentile business starts in the womb! :P) On Friday, I had my OB appt and they triple checked my measurements because I measured so large. The doctor said that she's looking forward to seeing who I'm growing so large and then when I expressed how much pain I'm in (back, varicosities, all of my bidness hurts), she laughed and said, "OH! We don't expect you to go all the way to your due date of 10/23! If we get you to 09/24, everything else is gravy." She confirmed that I should just do what I can and lie down as much as I can. All of this has made me feel so much better. I've felt like such a wimp lately. A lazy wimp at that.

Nisey is rocking and rolling. She goes to bed on time without being told too much about it, gets up on her own each morning and catches her bus. Nora and Nisey have a great time together every day -- I already dread the day she goes back home. Her grades (with the exception of science) are outstanding. We had her IEP meeting a couple of weeks ago -- it was exciting because it allows her to have quizzes and tests read to her. We've noticed with homework that if she reads the directions and then does the work, it tends to be all wrong... But if we read it to her, it's all correct. I will have to look further into how to help her gain skills in this area, but for now its an explanation for great homework and horrible tests (in science, especially). Socially, she is doing fine, as well. She eats lunch with some juniors (ooo la la) and seems to make friends everywhere... We also had Parents Night for here where we got to walk her schedule and meet each of her teachers. It was a strange experience because I felt like we should be too young to be there (given that we have a three year old and one on the way)... we laughed when we figured out that we fit right in and would just be the old folks at our own kids' parents' night. Each of the teachers was so complimentary about Nisey's positive attitude and sunny disposition. It was wonderful to hear.

Nora's third birthday was wonderful, as well. Wonderful. It's the first time that she's been aware of her special day and we all just soaked in the joy. She woke up to balloons and presents and all of us excitedly singing to her. Each gift was greeted with an amazed, "Oh, WOW!" She just loved each bit of it. We then headed out to Birdy's ultrasound appointment, did a little errand running, and then had lunch with friends. When we came home, we frosted and decorated the cake Nora baked the night before and we all cuddled up to watch a movie. That night she requested that we cook dinner outside, so we did just that. I'm not doing it justice, but it was a perfect day. We are so blessed and honored to share our lives with our wonderful little girl.

We have all of the clothing we kept from Nora out in order to sort through it for Birdy. The amount we kept is kind of amazing given that we were quite certain that Nora would be an only child. ;) I cannot comprehend that Nora was ever so small -- especially when looking at the preemie clothing that we had to roll up to put on her. God has been so good to us. I'd give an awful lot to hold that baby Nora once more... I remember how even at 4 lbs 13 oz, she'd make sure we held her JUST so - EVERY time. We used to call her little Noriega because she was such a dictator... Anyhow, I digress. I need to pull out, wash and organize the clothes we need now for Bird and then organize the rest so that we can easily access it as she grows. This is making me do NOTHING because we're still not done with everything upstairs. Nisey is in the office/guestroom, most of my office stuff is shoved around the playroom, and Nisey's room is chock full of everything from the playroom AND the guestroom. It's all just too much and I don't know where to go with it. Joe thinks he'll be done painting in the playroom by the end of this week and then we can start to move everything and everyone into their proper rooms. Let's hope this unfreezes my brain. Regardless (or irregardless and Joe likes to make me crazy with) of the rooms situation, I need to get things ready for Birdy because I can see the panic my lack of preparedness strikes into the heart of her father...

say a little prayer, part two

two more daily prayers from our sermon series...

"Lord, Surround me with your truth today and every day, so that I may know what you determine is right and have the will to do what is right today."

"Lord, Reconstruct my thinking today. Renew my mind so that you can rebuild my character by your truth."

Me? I'm sticking with the 'I can see what's coming today and think You should handle it."

preschool dropouts

to celebrate nora's last, delicious day of being two we put the potty chair away, bought some diapers, and dropped out of preschool. We Mays' girls are rebels through and through. Thank you all for your sage advice on letting this whole thing go for now. Nora couldn't be happier about it all -- she carried the diapers through the store so proudly, it would have been embarrassing if I wasn't already in love with all that she is. Tomorrow Joe will stay home from work and we'll all go to yet another ultrasound appointment for Birdy, do a little shopping, bake her a cake and then we'll all have dinner out. Saturday is her party. Nothing is done in preparation for it and really? I'm not worried about it.

oh! we're in a big recession? 'cuz nora thought

you said REGRESSION. We got a big ol' case of it over here and baby Birdy isn't even due for another eight weeks. I'm hesitant to even imagine how bad it could be once she's really here. It started slowly (as many insidious things do), but has risen to comedic proportions. Nora calls Joe "Da Da" and sits on his lap and says "goo goo" -- I don't even know where she heard about the "goo goo" part. She eats her dinner in the high chair she never used as a baby and daily requests (and is daily denied) bottles and diapers. Potty training? Gone the way of easy credit and lawn jarts. You might be reading this thinking that you would never allow this -- but as I said, it's been a slow infiltration. I also hate to turn things involving her physical autonomy into a power struggle.
For a while we were able to slow the regression by talk of school and parks and all sorts of great big girl things. But now, she openly expresses her lack of interest in it all. One day she was talking to herself in her car seat and I overheard her say, "If dey bwing me to teacher, I tell dem no dank you, I not go." Yesterday, she said, "Mom, I just stay with you. No school." When we passed a park she has been extremely interested in, I told her that it was for potty trained kids -- thinking that would elicit anger if not motivation. She simply said, "Oh. I go dere one day when I big girl. I a baby."
The thing is, she doesn't HAVE to go to preschool this year. The cut off is her actual birthday (09/01) and she'll have to attend preschool for three years (can that be right?) because the state off for Kindergarten here is June 30th. I just thought she'd really like it and benefit from it. A selfish part of me wants to just keep her home -- I won't have to drag Birdy out into the winter weather if we don't do preschool this year. Joe says he'd be glad to forgo the tuition if she really isn't digging it... Oh, what to do. I bet this will be the turning point of her great success or psychosis one day and I don't have a clue what to do.

fun article to get us through

{excerpt of the 39 things from}
39 Things Every Mom Should Know
by Kacy Faulconer
Parents Magazine

{bolding is my own}

1 You never have to go to obnoxious kid-themed restaurants. Ever. I wish someone had told me that.
2 Don't make birthday parties a huge deal.
3 Do your chores while kids are awake. Using up naptime to wash dishes or clean the bathroom is truly soul-crushing.
4 Put Band-Aids on everything your kids want you to. Why not?
5 If the kids are awake, bite the bullet and be awake yourself. You'll waste so many hours trying futilely to extend early-morning snoozes that it's not worth it. If you are sick, pregnant, or it's the middle of the night, ignore this advice.
6 Just throw away the poopy underwear.
7 Don't beat yourself up if you have to use a bribe.
8 Teach your kids not to pee outside unless you're camping - you'll be glad you did. But if other people's kids do it, don't judge the parents too harshly - it's all about karma. (If you're in the midst of potty training, all bets are off. You've gotta do what you've gotta do.)
9 Buy cheap shoes when kids are little. Feet grow faster than you think.
10 Don't forget about board games. You'll suffer through way too much Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, but Connect Four and Battleship aren't half bad. And Clue rocks.
11 Embrace their quirks.
12 Know this: That stain won't come out. And it's okay. (The sooner you accept this, the better.)
13 At some point it will be February. Things will seem bleak. You will think about vitamins, glasses, more exercise, more sleep, more chores, less TV, more rules, fewer rules, and organic food. Just wait. Things will get better when the snow melts. Know that it will happen again at the end of summer, right before school starts. It's the circle of life, baby.
14 Always get boys' haircuts at barber shops instead of hair salons.
15 Answer this question: What is the worst thing that can happen if your kids sleep in their clothes?
16 Never stifle a generous inclination.
17Try to like what they like. It kind of sucks when it's Bob the Builder, but the payoff will come when they discover Lemony Snicket.
18 Teach them to pump on the swings ASAP.
19 If your child falls asleep occasionally without brushing her teeth, don't wake her; baby teeth do eventually fall out.
20 I know you are supposed to use natural consequences to punish bad behavior, but sometimes it's hard to think of natural consequences. In these cases try threatening your kids with clipping their toenails or some other activity they dread. I've had great success with this one, but you must find your own.
21 Get used to the word zerrissenheit. It means a state of disjointedness, and it's the new normal for most of us. At least you can feel fancy because it's German.
22 Buy kids deodorant before they need it.
23 Teach your children to make their own breakfast - and allow enough time so they can do it without pressure.
24 I can't stress this enough: Use duvet covers on your comforters and forget about a top sheet. Not only will you thank me for this advice, but your kids will thank me as well when they are learning to make their bed.
25 Remember clogging lessons are not in the best interest of the child.
26 Don't administer a punishment that hurts you more than it does them.
27 Always pack wipes. If your kids go somewhere without you, send along wipes. It's like having a mom with them.
28 Do not allow the word wienies in your home.
29 Dress your little girls like, well, little girls.
30 Make sure your kids know how they like their eggs and burgers cooked. You don't want them to feel stress when ordering at the diner.
31 It's fine to brag about yourself to your kids.
32 Buy quaint wooden toys and hand-knit stuffed animals. But don't expect your kids to play with them.
33 Just say "No" to any toy or doll that comes with packets that have to be mixed with water.
34 Teach them to like cool music. Why suffer through The Wiggles when you could be enjoying Wilco or counting along with Feist?
35 Don't buy the most expensive school-picture package. It's a waste of money.
36 Give out awards for actual achievements.
37 You're never too old to dress up and decorate your house for Halloween. And it's more fun for everyone if you are into it. It also entitles you to more candy.
38 If the school year, new babysitter, or karate class gets off to a rocky start, don't totally stress out about it. Instead, think of the improvement that can be made by the end of the year.
39 Independence is a wonderful thing. For everyone. So is together time. Make sure you have a healthy dose of both.

first trying days

today is nisey's first day of high school here. She is settled in well considering that we had to put her in the not-quite-finished guest room while we finish the girls' new play room and THEN move everything out of the room that will actually belong to Denise. She has a history of mediocre (that's me being generous) grades because she seriously does almost nothing for school. This year, Nisey, Joe, Mom and I are going to turn that around and enjoy the incredible show. She's an amazing kid who I know will bring about amazing things. Last night she said that she was nervous and I commiserated with her that of course she was nervous... she then said, I'm more nervous to find out what happens when I really try. I, for one, can't wait for her to find out.

say a little prayer

lately, our pastor has been giving us a little daily prayer for the week. They've been serendipitous for me so I'm going to keep them here. Just in case they might come in handy.

Last week's: "Lord, I see what's coming down the pike for me today -- I see stresses and the temptations and the pain. I CAN'T deal with it today. So You deal with it through me."

This week's: "Lord, renew my mind, heart, and life so that You may rule in my life today."

I especially like the so YOU deal with it. :P

we're kind of famous

in a very, very small corner of the world...

politics and fashion

last week, we had the opportunity to drive to elkhart to hear president obama speak. We went with our friend B. and had a great time. Unfortunately, we didn't get to 'see' the President -- but we did hear him and it was fun to be out and around active people. Here's a picture of Nora from the day.

The other day Nora told me that when she was a baby and had to go to the doctor she would "scream her eyebrows off" until I held her. Another day, when she had an 'accident' pooping in her panties and I was stressing that she is NOT to do that, she said, "I'll DIE if I don't have my poop with me." I've never heard her use the word "die" so it cracked me up. Here's another picture of how to properly dress to play in the rain. If you don't have a winter hat that you've outgrown, I suppose any hat would do. She said she didn't want to get beat with rain on the head.

And just a general update just because. I'm especially stressed out about my former boss lately. Nothing has changed. Just knowing that I still may have to deal with the bullshit seems to overwhelm me. I'll blame pregnancy for the overreaction to that which I cannot control. Also, in interesting and gross pregnancy news, I've developed varicose veins of the cooch. I thought I was bringing some exotic malady to my doctor's attention but she laughed and said, I don't even have to examine you! It's varicose veins and they're normal and may get much worse by the end of the pregnancy. I'll leave you with this pleasant visual: too much lifting, time on my feet, etc. could cause the veins to resemble (this is me quoting a doctor) "a bag of worms." I may never get out of bed again.

the look of disappointment

was so sad.

Joe (sounding casual, yet raising his eyebrows a little...): You got a package from some place called Spanx...

baby birdy

this is our best shot from her 3D ultrasound. The tech tried everything to get this little baby to move a little so that we could see her face all in one shot to no avail. Birdy hid behind my bones, the placenta and her hand. No easy perfect shots for us. Sort of reminds me of another little girl I know and love. :)

no more muttering under your breath

because i can hear you! I can't believe it's taken me this long to update the situation, but I have my hearing aids and they make life a lot easier. I cannot stress enough just HOW much easier life is with these in -- if you know anyone with hearing loss, they really should give them a try -- it's like functioning with one arm and then suddenly being given the use of both arms. I can hear people whom I've always struggled to hear, can hear at concerts, restaurants... PLUS my phone's bluetooth can go directly to the hearing aids. If I ever get around to it, I can set up the television and iPod to do the same. Oh, and they're pretty cool for hearing aids. Not that you can really see them when I'm wearing them. But if you did, you'd see this:

They are the Siemens 'Life' series with the Tek Bluetooth hookup thingy. I have to get in the habit of putting them on each day -- right now, I put them in for situations where I know I'll need them. What this really means is that I need them and often have forgotten them. In my defense, they cannot get wet - like Gremlins can't get wet - and they're not comfy for napping -- so I'm imagining that after summer and Birdy's arrival, I'll find a better groove with them.

lyle, lyle, lyle

and so it was time again for y and i to trek to hear the prophet/cowboy/philosopher/poet. And we saw all of it and declared it to be good. VERY good. Lyle Lovett appeared at Ravinia with his Large Band (included Francine Reed!) on Wednesday, July 22 and we were there to grin our silly selves right through it. It felt like coming home and the second they started to play I regretted every second I've lived not playing that music as my soundtrack. My dad made a habit of buying tickets for us girls each year and I'm so thankful that he did because we've learned that the scheduling, driving, etc. are worth the full souls that we return with. See ya' next year, Lyle.

Please ignore the crazy eyes. It's the only shot we took all night. Oh and Lyle totally prefers I wear no makeup. :P

edited to add: Birdy either LOVED or HATED the concert. I like to think it was loved. Her ears just developed to be able to hear outside noises more clearly and boy did she respond to Lyle. It still makes me laugh to think of all those kicks and maneuvers.

some honest scrap

“The Honest Scrap award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant. The awardee must then post ten honest things about themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant.”

HEF, from Spewage, passed this award on to me (and Christine). Here are my ten honest things about me in no particular order...

1) I don't know what I'm doing and worry that I'll just run out of time before I figure anything out. For real. I don't have a 'vision', viable mission statement, or long-term goals. I want to be a good mother, wife, friend, daughter and sister.

2) I won the family lottery. For reals. It's insanely unfair who I get to count as family and I'm eternally grateful.

3) I worry that we'll never have enough financially and then upon reflection realize that I don't really care. I think I care about losing a game that others think is important. And that's sillier than playing the game. Yet, here I am.

4) I have a limitless capacity for sleep. I'm not sure what my limit would be as I've never apparently neared my saturation point.

5) You know how we often say things about past negative experiences forming who we are today -- in someway embracing the experiences? I don't subscribe to that. Maybe we'd all be that much more fabulous for not having some of our negative experiences. I think I'd have more trust, less shame, and more confidence.

6) I was thinking the other day about what one thing I could change that would most greatly improve my life. I have a lisp speech impediment and if I could become confident despite the fact that people struggle to understand me at times, it would open doors. There are situations that I could really shine in if I could only speak.

7) It's totally unfair, considering my family lottery winnings, but I also have incredible, incredible friends. Like people who I can tell my whole truth to and still be loved and supported.

8) I no longer watch the news. It makes me sad and I am not sure that it edifies me in any way. My only news comes from Google headlines, NPR Radio news, Salon.com, the Sunday paper, and the occasional browse through cnn.com.

9) I want to learn guitar but all past/current attempts have shown my lack of willingness to put any effort into it. What does that mean? I mean, I really do want to learn it. I swear.

10) I love tall people hands. This may be because I have short people, chubby hands. They are square'ish -- reminiscent of Fred Flintstone. I'd bet that learning to love my own hands would be a good thing for me. Or, if that's not an option, ending my hand envy of the talls out there.

Ten honest things were not easy for me. Choosing just two people to pass this along to was even more difficult. Maybe everyone should do this post (hint hint). Should they choose to accept it, I now pass this esteemable award onto:

Steph

Alina