untitled epiphany

happy new year.  I love a fresh start and the freshness of New Year can't be manufactured at any other time so I'm digging it right now.  So much is going on that I never blog because I can't figure out what takes precedent for recording for our family or what needs working through by writing.

But then I had a thought.  The kind of thought that you probably already have thought but that I've never grasped.  On Friday, I went to the gym and met a mommy friend there.  As an indicator of our fitness and commitment level, we thought we were going to a half hour beginner's class and both of us considered canceling.  We made it there for what turned out to be a one hour intense step interval class.    And it rocked.  We modified where needed, we succeeded some, laughed a lot -- we survived.  I left feeling so triumphant.  Like ME -- me --- regular, nonathletic, fat, uncoordinated, undisciplined ME did a class with THOSE women.  And I could not have cared less what I looked like or what anyone thought.  While wonderful, this was not the epiphany.  The epiphany was that it took the good portion of the morning to get everyone ready, get to the gym, take the class, get the children, go home and clean up.  For once, I didn't try to 'make up' for the time lost doing something for myself.  Normally, I would feel guilty and work double time during the afternoon on whatever I think other people think I should have done.  Here it is:  doing something for myself is worth REAL time -- not late late nights or stolen moments --- REAL time.  The sort of time where you could meet with people who want something from you, the sort of time you could schedule with appointments, cleaning, laundry, shopping, or phone calls.... REAL time.  I've seriously often wondered how people fit in working out, getting hair and nails done, doctor's appointments, creative time...  now I know what they know.  It's not magic.  It's not better discipline or scheduling.  It's knowing your own worth and enjoying the trip.