joe's fortieth birthday party 10.03.09

was wonderful. He had a good time, Nora had a good time, and I had a good time. I hope that this is true for all of our guests, as well. It was so fun to celebrate this incredible man who I have been lucky enough to call mine. His thoughtfulness, generosity, humor, kindness, and intelligence are amazing. His actual birthday is on Wednesday – we went out for dinner to celebrate him on Friday night, I think I’ll make tacos (his fav) Wednesday night… Something… I don’t want it to go by without anything. There's just no predicting how I'll feel on any given night anymore and there's always algebra homework and the like...
Some party observations… We kept the menu pretty simple (and yummy) and it worked well – much less waste than when I try to please everyone and offer way too many options. I think part of the reason I had such a nice time was that I didn’t try to make everyone happy. Some people are shy or not social – me running to their side regularly does not change that. Beyond initial greetings and natural conversation, I just let people be whoever they are – even if it sometimes looks uncomfortable to me. It took the pressure off of me although it may not be the most hospitable I can be. Guest lists -- who shows up is sometimes surprising, but most often, it’s our core group that I cannot imagine having a party without. Similarly, those who don’t show (mostly family) really are not surprising. It’s not like we have that many events. Normally, we have a party for Nora each year and that’s it. For Joe’s 40th, I expanded the list a bit to include some extended friends and family. Anyhow… my question is: How many times can people not show for something before we quit inviting them? What do you do?

things i've learned with no internet 10.06.2009

i haven’t had internet for over a week now. It’s been worse and easier than I had imagined. I’ve always thought of it as my guilty little pleasure – and you can be sure that it still is. But I’ve learned that I also conduct a ton of our family’s ‘business’ on it. It’s a way more legit pastime than I previously believed. Bills get paid, gifts get ordered, family gets included, money gets transferred, grades get checked, calendars get synced, friends get caught up (I think this is the part I miss the most), music and radio shows get downloaded, research gets done for all sorts of family members… I may ‘waste’ time on the internet, but the efficiency it allows me in other arenas of our life more than makes up for that. From now on, it will be my guilty little pleasure.

i miss my dad

i just do.

its not a matter of if, but when

this little phrase has kept me up all night. Somewhere, someone told us something unpleasant about birth or pregnancy or labor or breastfeeding or something. I remember my eyes getting big and looking at Joe and saying HOW DID WE NOT KNOW THIS... And now I can't recall what it is. Unfortunately, I can't stop thinking about it either... I'm off to conduct what I'm sure will turn out to be fruitless, yet horrible internet searches.

sibling class valedictorian

ok. So there was no 'official' valedictorian, but we could totally tell that if there were to be one, it would be Nora. She LOVED sibling class at the hospital. I wish I could take her every week. She called the nurse her 'teacher' and went right up to her to say hello and later, to thank her. They learned about little babies, talked a bit about their babies, toured the labor and delivery floor, and then had a short movie and a snack. I was surprised at all the questions Nora could answer about her baby. Gender, name, even that she will sleep by her mama. We've never discussed it and nothing has been set up yet. A good reminder that they are always paying attention.

A couple of snapshots:

Nora dancing at TGIF restaurant

Nora all ready for western night at a church dinner

making life easier

with very little effort is my kind of thing. Knowing that baby Birdy will be here soon, I've taken a renewed interest in streamlining things in our lives. I checked "The Clutter Diet" by Lorie Marrero out of the library and read about half of it. It's full of great ideas, but I was close to being overwhelmed which would most definitely NOT result in my taking the advice offered. I will check it out another time when I'm ready to tackle more. Here's what I took from this reading and actually implemented painlessly:

• Get a Motivation Partner. The person can be via email or phone (not recommended in person as it can turn into a time suck). You both present what you intend to accomplish in a week and then check in with each other on a given day and time. So... I didn't really implement this one. Y. has been very busy and I intend for her to be my partner... for real. I'm gonna do it.
• Rather than deleting each email I receive because I've ordered from a company or signed up in the past for a newsletter, I've spent the past two weeks actually "unsubscribing" from each of them. The reduction in trash emails is tremendous.
• These three sites remove you from credit offers, magazine offers, and catalogs: www.dmachoice.org , www.CatalogChoice.org , www.optoutprescreen.com . As much as I look forward to going through the daily mail, the amount of waste (paper, resources, and time) is alarming. I can't wait to see the effect this has on our mail. DMA Choice even contacts the catalog companies directly on your behalf. All of this is FREE.
• Finally, I also updated our information for the state and federal do not call registries. Federal: www.donotcall.gov and State: ww.callcompliance.com/regulations/statelist.html

Even the items on here that don't really drain THAT much time, DO drain energy. Their very existence means that I must do one thing more -- even if it's hit the delete button. I'm also hoping that the lack of marketing results in a lack of spending. It seems logical that if I'm not hearing about these great 'deals' I won't be purchasing as much. Freeing up brain space AND money -- do you guys have any tricks I can add to my arsenal?

m&m's wedding

was beautiful and wonderful and everything a wedding should be. Everyone was so calm and having such a great time all day --- even when we had to start all over with our hair after the salon made us look horrid. I had some sciatica issues standing up there, but other than that, I did well. Every guest seemed so truly happy for the couple -- every detail fell into place -- I could go on and on. It was just a wonderful start to their new wonderful life together. Couple of photos (the photographer [who I couldn't recommend more]: http://www.angeleyesphotography.com/)

a new low

i just suggested a movie to my beautiful little girl who wanted to go play outside. Between the swelling, sciatica, and braxton hicks, I can barely stand much less play. Poor Nora. Luckily, she's happily cuddled up with me watching The Little Einsteins Huge Adventure...

As long as we're sitting here, I'll share some funny things she's said lately:


The phone rang one morning and as I went to pick it up, she held up her hand and said, "I'm not here." I don't know where she even got this from because we screen our calls and are known for not picking up (as opposed to being creative about whether or not we are home.)


Sitting in her carseat the other night, she said, "I texting peoples." Us: "Oh yeah? Who are you texting?" Nora: "BOYS!" Poor Joe. I blame Nisey.


She saw a short bus and said that THAT was the bus she wanted to ride. As many of you know, we've had a complete regression for potty training... So I said, "Oh! Buses are for BIG kids know how to use the potty." She said, "Mom, I know how to use potty, I just not do it. Okay?"

We were asking her the sounds that different things make and asked her what Daddy says. She said, "Waa waaa waaaa. I wanna be the Mommy!" When I asked her what I always say, she said, "how much you love grandpa."

In the car this morning, Nora told me that she doesn't like clowns and wants them taken out of the circus. I couldn't agree more. I'm not a fan of the circus so I'm blaming television for her knowledge of them. However, I take complete credit for her absolute genius evaluation of those damn spooky clowns.

The other night we took a bath together and she was putting bubbles in my hair and on my belly. As you may know, Nora has had no interest in this baby process. That she was paying any attention to the belly was a gigantic step. I told her how the baby loved it and said oh, if you put your hand on my belly you can feel her moving because she likes it so much! She stopped what she was doing and said, "you give me YOUR hand!" So I did and she proceeded to put it on her belly and the exaggeratedly moved her belly around and said, "SEE? I'm growing a big sister!"

We're doing the sibling tour this weekend at the hospital. Hopefully, it will be exciting to her...

Or not.

falling in love again

last night, i fell in love with birdy. It's not like I haven't loved her from the moment I knew of her, but this was a more concrete and specific kind of thing. I talked to her on my three hour ride and laughed and just felt so much gratitude and love for her. Specifically HER. Not the idea of a baby, but this little Birdy.

miscellany.

i'm so far behind here and keep hoping that i'll write something. Something eloquent and laconic and thorough. Alas, none of that is coming to me and the list of things I wish I had recorded keeps growing. So, in no particular order, here is my catch-up post:

We had our final Level II Ultrasound of Birdy last Monday. We couldn't see her face (because cooperation is overrated. And so predictable.) but everything else was good. They told us that she was 5 lbs, 2 oz which would put her in the 90th percentile (YES. The percentile business starts in the womb! :P) On Friday, I had my OB appt and they triple checked my measurements because I measured so large. The doctor said that she's looking forward to seeing who I'm growing so large and then when I expressed how much pain I'm in (back, varicosities, all of my bidness hurts), she laughed and said, "OH! We don't expect you to go all the way to your due date of 10/23! If we get you to 09/24, everything else is gravy." She confirmed that I should just do what I can and lie down as much as I can. All of this has made me feel so much better. I've felt like such a wimp lately. A lazy wimp at that.

Nisey is rocking and rolling. She goes to bed on time without being told too much about it, gets up on her own each morning and catches her bus. Nora and Nisey have a great time together every day -- I already dread the day she goes back home. Her grades (with the exception of science) are outstanding. We had her IEP meeting a couple of weeks ago -- it was exciting because it allows her to have quizzes and tests read to her. We've noticed with homework that if she reads the directions and then does the work, it tends to be all wrong... But if we read it to her, it's all correct. I will have to look further into how to help her gain skills in this area, but for now its an explanation for great homework and horrible tests (in science, especially). Socially, she is doing fine, as well. She eats lunch with some juniors (ooo la la) and seems to make friends everywhere... We also had Parents Night for here where we got to walk her schedule and meet each of her teachers. It was a strange experience because I felt like we should be too young to be there (given that we have a three year old and one on the way)... we laughed when we figured out that we fit right in and would just be the old folks at our own kids' parents' night. Each of the teachers was so complimentary about Nisey's positive attitude and sunny disposition. It was wonderful to hear.

Nora's third birthday was wonderful, as well. Wonderful. It's the first time that she's been aware of her special day and we all just soaked in the joy. She woke up to balloons and presents and all of us excitedly singing to her. Each gift was greeted with an amazed, "Oh, WOW!" She just loved each bit of it. We then headed out to Birdy's ultrasound appointment, did a little errand running, and then had lunch with friends. When we came home, we frosted and decorated the cake Nora baked the night before and we all cuddled up to watch a movie. That night she requested that we cook dinner outside, so we did just that. I'm not doing it justice, but it was a perfect day. We are so blessed and honored to share our lives with our wonderful little girl.

We have all of the clothing we kept from Nora out in order to sort through it for Birdy. The amount we kept is kind of amazing given that we were quite certain that Nora would be an only child. ;) I cannot comprehend that Nora was ever so small -- especially when looking at the preemie clothing that we had to roll up to put on her. God has been so good to us. I'd give an awful lot to hold that baby Nora once more... I remember how even at 4 lbs 13 oz, she'd make sure we held her JUST so - EVERY time. We used to call her little Noriega because she was such a dictator... Anyhow, I digress. I need to pull out, wash and organize the clothes we need now for Bird and then organize the rest so that we can easily access it as she grows. This is making me do NOTHING because we're still not done with everything upstairs. Nisey is in the office/guestroom, most of my office stuff is shoved around the playroom, and Nisey's room is chock full of everything from the playroom AND the guestroom. It's all just too much and I don't know where to go with it. Joe thinks he'll be done painting in the playroom by the end of this week and then we can start to move everything and everyone into their proper rooms. Let's hope this unfreezes my brain. Regardless (or irregardless and Joe likes to make me crazy with) of the rooms situation, I need to get things ready for Birdy because I can see the panic my lack of preparedness strikes into the heart of her father...

say a little prayer, part two

two more daily prayers from our sermon series...

"Lord, Surround me with your truth today and every day, so that I may know what you determine is right and have the will to do what is right today."

"Lord, Reconstruct my thinking today. Renew my mind so that you can rebuild my character by your truth."

Me? I'm sticking with the 'I can see what's coming today and think You should handle it."

preschool dropouts

to celebrate nora's last, delicious day of being two we put the potty chair away, bought some diapers, and dropped out of preschool. We Mays' girls are rebels through and through. Thank you all for your sage advice on letting this whole thing go for now. Nora couldn't be happier about it all -- she carried the diapers through the store so proudly, it would have been embarrassing if I wasn't already in love with all that she is. Tomorrow Joe will stay home from work and we'll all go to yet another ultrasound appointment for Birdy, do a little shopping, bake her a cake and then we'll all have dinner out. Saturday is her party. Nothing is done in preparation for it and really? I'm not worried about it.

oh! we're in a big recession? 'cuz nora thought

you said REGRESSION. We got a big ol' case of it over here and baby Birdy isn't even due for another eight weeks. I'm hesitant to even imagine how bad it could be once she's really here. It started slowly (as many insidious things do), but has risen to comedic proportions. Nora calls Joe "Da Da" and sits on his lap and says "goo goo" -- I don't even know where she heard about the "goo goo" part. She eats her dinner in the high chair she never used as a baby and daily requests (and is daily denied) bottles and diapers. Potty training? Gone the way of easy credit and lawn jarts. You might be reading this thinking that you would never allow this -- but as I said, it's been a slow infiltration. I also hate to turn things involving her physical autonomy into a power struggle.
For a while we were able to slow the regression by talk of school and parks and all sorts of great big girl things. But now, she openly expresses her lack of interest in it all. One day she was talking to herself in her car seat and I overheard her say, "If dey bwing me to teacher, I tell dem no dank you, I not go." Yesterday, she said, "Mom, I just stay with you. No school." When we passed a park she has been extremely interested in, I told her that it was for potty trained kids -- thinking that would elicit anger if not motivation. She simply said, "Oh. I go dere one day when I big girl. I a baby."
The thing is, she doesn't HAVE to go to preschool this year. The cut off is her actual birthday (09/01) and she'll have to attend preschool for three years (can that be right?) because the state off for Kindergarten here is June 30th. I just thought she'd really like it and benefit from it. A selfish part of me wants to just keep her home -- I won't have to drag Birdy out into the winter weather if we don't do preschool this year. Joe says he'd be glad to forgo the tuition if she really isn't digging it... Oh, what to do. I bet this will be the turning point of her great success or psychosis one day and I don't have a clue what to do.

fun article to get us through

{excerpt of the 39 things from}
39 Things Every Mom Should Know
by Kacy Faulconer
Parents Magazine

{bolding is my own}

1 You never have to go to obnoxious kid-themed restaurants. Ever. I wish someone had told me that.
2 Don't make birthday parties a huge deal.
3 Do your chores while kids are awake. Using up naptime to wash dishes or clean the bathroom is truly soul-crushing.
4 Put Band-Aids on everything your kids want you to. Why not?
5 If the kids are awake, bite the bullet and be awake yourself. You'll waste so many hours trying futilely to extend early-morning snoozes that it's not worth it. If you are sick, pregnant, or it's the middle of the night, ignore this advice.
6 Just throw away the poopy underwear.
7 Don't beat yourself up if you have to use a bribe.
8 Teach your kids not to pee outside unless you're camping - you'll be glad you did. But if other people's kids do it, don't judge the parents too harshly - it's all about karma. (If you're in the midst of potty training, all bets are off. You've gotta do what you've gotta do.)
9 Buy cheap shoes when kids are little. Feet grow faster than you think.
10 Don't forget about board games. You'll suffer through way too much Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, but Connect Four and Battleship aren't half bad. And Clue rocks.
11 Embrace their quirks.
12 Know this: That stain won't come out. And it's okay. (The sooner you accept this, the better.)
13 At some point it will be February. Things will seem bleak. You will think about vitamins, glasses, more exercise, more sleep, more chores, less TV, more rules, fewer rules, and organic food. Just wait. Things will get better when the snow melts. Know that it will happen again at the end of summer, right before school starts. It's the circle of life, baby.
14 Always get boys' haircuts at barber shops instead of hair salons.
15 Answer this question: What is the worst thing that can happen if your kids sleep in their clothes?
16 Never stifle a generous inclination.
17Try to like what they like. It kind of sucks when it's Bob the Builder, but the payoff will come when they discover Lemony Snicket.
18 Teach them to pump on the swings ASAP.
19 If your child falls asleep occasionally without brushing her teeth, don't wake her; baby teeth do eventually fall out.
20 I know you are supposed to use natural consequences to punish bad behavior, but sometimes it's hard to think of natural consequences. In these cases try threatening your kids with clipping their toenails or some other activity they dread. I've had great success with this one, but you must find your own.
21 Get used to the word zerrissenheit. It means a state of disjointedness, and it's the new normal for most of us. At least you can feel fancy because it's German.
22 Buy kids deodorant before they need it.
23 Teach your children to make their own breakfast - and allow enough time so they can do it without pressure.
24 I can't stress this enough: Use duvet covers on your comforters and forget about a top sheet. Not only will you thank me for this advice, but your kids will thank me as well when they are learning to make their bed.
25 Remember clogging lessons are not in the best interest of the child.
26 Don't administer a punishment that hurts you more than it does them.
27 Always pack wipes. If your kids go somewhere without you, send along wipes. It's like having a mom with them.
28 Do not allow the word wienies in your home.
29 Dress your little girls like, well, little girls.
30 Make sure your kids know how they like their eggs and burgers cooked. You don't want them to feel stress when ordering at the diner.
31 It's fine to brag about yourself to your kids.
32 Buy quaint wooden toys and hand-knit stuffed animals. But don't expect your kids to play with them.
33 Just say "No" to any toy or doll that comes with packets that have to be mixed with water.
34 Teach them to like cool music. Why suffer through The Wiggles when you could be enjoying Wilco or counting along with Feist?
35 Don't buy the most expensive school-picture package. It's a waste of money.
36 Give out awards for actual achievements.
37 You're never too old to dress up and decorate your house for Halloween. And it's more fun for everyone if you are into it. It also entitles you to more candy.
38 If the school year, new babysitter, or karate class gets off to a rocky start, don't totally stress out about it. Instead, think of the improvement that can be made by the end of the year.
39 Independence is a wonderful thing. For everyone. So is together time. Make sure you have a healthy dose of both.

first trying days

today is nisey's first day of high school here. She is settled in well considering that we had to put her in the not-quite-finished guest room while we finish the girls' new play room and THEN move everything out of the room that will actually belong to Denise. She has a history of mediocre (that's me being generous) grades because she seriously does almost nothing for school. This year, Nisey, Joe, Mom and I are going to turn that around and enjoy the incredible show. She's an amazing kid who I know will bring about amazing things. Last night she said that she was nervous and I commiserated with her that of course she was nervous... she then said, I'm more nervous to find out what happens when I really try. I, for one, can't wait for her to find out.

say a little prayer

lately, our pastor has been giving us a little daily prayer for the week. They've been serendipitous for me so I'm going to keep them here. Just in case they might come in handy.

Last week's: "Lord, I see what's coming down the pike for me today -- I see stresses and the temptations and the pain. I CAN'T deal with it today. So You deal with it through me."

This week's: "Lord, renew my mind, heart, and life so that You may rule in my life today."

I especially like the so YOU deal with it. :P

we're kind of famous

in a very, very small corner of the world...

politics and fashion

last week, we had the opportunity to drive to elkhart to hear president obama speak. We went with our friend B. and had a great time. Unfortunately, we didn't get to 'see' the President -- but we did hear him and it was fun to be out and around active people. Here's a picture of Nora from the day.

The other day Nora told me that when she was a baby and had to go to the doctor she would "scream her eyebrows off" until I held her. Another day, when she had an 'accident' pooping in her panties and I was stressing that she is NOT to do that, she said, "I'll DIE if I don't have my poop with me." I've never heard her use the word "die" so it cracked me up. Here's another picture of how to properly dress to play in the rain. If you don't have a winter hat that you've outgrown, I suppose any hat would do. She said she didn't want to get beat with rain on the head.

And just a general update just because. I'm especially stressed out about my former boss lately. Nothing has changed. Just knowing that I still may have to deal with the bullshit seems to overwhelm me. I'll blame pregnancy for the overreaction to that which I cannot control. Also, in interesting and gross pregnancy news, I've developed varicose veins of the cooch. I thought I was bringing some exotic malady to my doctor's attention but she laughed and said, I don't even have to examine you! It's varicose veins and they're normal and may get much worse by the end of the pregnancy. I'll leave you with this pleasant visual: too much lifting, time on my feet, etc. could cause the veins to resemble (this is me quoting a doctor) "a bag of worms." I may never get out of bed again.

the look of disappointment

was so sad.

Joe (sounding casual, yet raising his eyebrows a little...): You got a package from some place called Spanx...

baby birdy

this is our best shot from her 3D ultrasound. The tech tried everything to get this little baby to move a little so that we could see her face all in one shot to no avail. Birdy hid behind my bones, the placenta and her hand. No easy perfect shots for us. Sort of reminds me of another little girl I know and love. :)