day of reckoning

in the light of day and with some sleep under my belt, i'm going to do the best i can to record what yesterday was like for reference, if nothing else. First of all, thank you for your prayers and thoughts -- we felt strong and clear and certainly owe that to the support of our friends and family. Please forgive my disjointed recollection of the day -- lesson learned: I should have taken notes.

In the morning, I let her sleep late and then took her for a quick breakfast and to get her eyebrows and nails done. It was a nice morning and she said that she couldn't think about school because she was so scared. Mom was able to schedule a meeting with the middle school principal at noon. We just made it in time and went in with no plan because we couldn't predict what would happen. He greeted us and then told us that he was going to call us in because of rumors he had heard. He first told us what he had heard. It took amazing restraint to listen to him tell about a group of kids who went to a teacher because my 14 year old sister allegedly told them that she was HIV+ and was having unprotected sex with her unknowing boyfriend. They went to protect said boyfriend and out of concern for their own health. What cherubs. After he finished, I let him know that we were here because of the same situation and asked my sister to tell her story. She did a great job - started from the beginning, kept it all in order without getting emotional, and clarifying her virginity and lack of a boyfriend. She plainly told him that she had said no such thing and explained how Brittney had known about her status since September because she was her best friend and she trusted her. She also informed him of the threatening text messages she had received and while she was getting her phone out, she received another text from the same number.

Middle school principal (msp) was definitely taken aback at her status. He told her that he was always telling them that who they think is their best friend one day could be their worst enemy the next... blah, blah, blah. Almost as if he didn't understand the scope of this matter. He said he was unsure what the policy was to handle a matter such as this. I told him that surely there was a policy. He looked and looked for an "emergency procedure manual" and finally found it -- oddly, it didn't cover little girl with hiv; but, instead, had things for fire, earthquake, storms, bombs, and the like. He called the number that had been texting her and the voicemail message was just music. Country music. He called a detective friend to find out if they could get the phone record but had to leave a message. He seemed genuinely willing to help but not educated enough or confident enough in what to do. He expressed concern about training for the staff and how quickly it would spread. I reminded him that he and any other staff members had a legal obligation to maintain her right to privacy. He said, well, I know about the legal but we all know how things like this go. I told him that I worked with sensitive material at my job and that we certainly followed all HIPAA laws and standards of professionalism at all times. I told him that I did not think my office was exceptional and that I hoped that he at least required minimal legal compliance from his professional staff. He expressed a need to develop a plan on how to deal with the parents' and kids' concerns for safety. I had to remind him that only one child had a safety issue at this point. He said, well, 'some' people hold on to old fashioned views and will think they can catch it from a drinking fountain. I asked if they didn't cover this in health class and he said that they were supposed to but that they only touched on the minimum requirement because if they did any more on matters like this or sex they 'got a lot of parental feedback.' I said that that helped me understand all of the young pregnancies I'd heard of at his school. He said, "well, i agree with you, but others do not. They believe that parents should teach such matters." I told him that homeschooling was their option and that I did not approve of honoring commitments to ignorance. This really neither here nor there, but I'm just trying to get it all down. He said he didn't know whether or not to allow children to ask questions about HIV in class of the teachers. I told him that I couldn't think of a situation where that would be appropriate outside of health class. That even their sincere curiosity would not give them a right to break her privacy or further this nonsense. He kept saying that he'd need to talk to his superintendent and I agreed that we would need to know their official plan of action before we decided what to do. He recommended that she stay out of school this week and then return next Wednesday. (Ironically, she'll be out of town Monday and Tuesday to speak in another state about pediatric hiv -- at one point, we even offered to have that group come speak if the rumor did NOT die down.) It was his hope that by then, they'd have a plan and that the rumors would have died down. We had to agree in the absence of a plan.

He then offered to call the superintendent to see if he could join us. We gladly accepted that offer. The supt. is an older man who came in without introducing himself or shaking our hands. My mom finally introduced herself and us girls. He redeemed himself after being brought up to speed by MSP by replying, "Well, this isn't the first time we've had a student with HIV. We will not be conducting any additional training -- everyone is already trained and are not in danger. This is not the 80's -- people are more educated on HIV now." Supt also immediately jumped on the harassing text messages. He said that THAT was something they could do something about because it was illegal. He had MSP call the local police station immediately to find out what we needed to do to get the ball rolling. He thought that when dealing with middle school children, it was best to let the drama die without response unless absolutely required. He feels that responding to it at this point (talking to the students about HIV or the rumors) will feed the fire.

I don't even know where to fit this all in but part of all of these conversations was the issue of race. MSP and Supt seem to feel that there is no problem and were surprised to find that Nisey is called the 'n' word. I can get into this later but just can't take it all in this one bite.

[sidenote: just writing about this is making me fall asleep. Sleeping is my natural defense against just about everything. Thank goodness I don't need to defend myself from bears or lions.]

After the meeting was heading towards a close, I had to prompt MSP to tell her that he would be there for her and that he cared, etc. etc. I then asked her if there was anything else we needed to discuss and she requested to speak with Brittney in person as just disappearing for a week would possibly make Brittney madder and feed the fire. Seriously. Smart. Kid.

We then left and went to the police station to make a report. At first, the officer seemed annoyed at our involving the police, but as he read the messages, he seemed to understand the gravity of the situation. He called the number, left a threatening voicemail requesting and immediate call back. He informed us that they only way they could get the number and information was to go to the DA and get a subpoena. I told him that I had already ordered a search on line and would share the results just as soon as I got them. He was glad for that because he said that unless the text messages continued and escalated, they would most likely not get a subpoena. I am still waiting for the report to see if they were able to get the owner of that cell number.

So, the plan:

1. Nisey will stay out of school until next Wednesday, Feb 18. School will prepare her homework for this time and Mom will pick it up this afternoon.
2. Nisey will refrain from any contact with the students involved for this week, we will get her a different phone number and ensure that her MySpace, etc. are all set to private.
3. We will remain in contact with the police and school administration -- they will do the same.
4. Nisey is to immediately go to MSP if anyone says anything to her rather than engage them.
5. We need to get a better plan.

I'm sure I've left out a ton and there are a million nuances I should add. For now, this is all I can do. If you read this garbled report, God bless you and your brain and your eyes.