utahpia

i've emailed and shared these photos all over the place, but need somewhere to keep them for us. We had such a wonderful time in Utah -- it was just what we needed. Having unscheduled time with Nora and Joe was just a joy. I'm so reluctant to return to real life.

We were nervous about Nora's first plane ride, but she traveled like a pro:

We stayed at the Park City Hotel which was just gorgeous. Here is the view from our room:
and the view at night: Nora loved the Christmas tree and used it many a time to get out of bed and check on it.

Joe had meetings the majority of the time we were in Park City, so Nora and I used the time to shop a little and chill a lot. Its just beautiful there although it is, hands down, the whitest place I've ever been. Like noticeable, eery white... We first went to get breakfast at a cafe on Main Street. The coffee was not great, but Nora LOVED this cow. So we hung out for a while. She shared her muffin with this lucky guy and gave him tons of hugs. Some advice for shopping in Park City with a toddler: Bring your sling or stroller! The way down is easy but going back up is killer. Nora would walk freely next to me for a few seconds and then 'tire' out. When we first got there, a car went by and Nora ran to me and said, "CARS! They'll hit us!!" (I have no idea where she's developed this fear) I reassured her that I would never let that happen. She then DRAMATICALLY wiped her brow and said loudly, "PHEW!" There is a free trolley which Nora LOVED riding. Unfortunately, it never seemed to show up when I (and my back) really needed it.

After a short nap, we walked around a bit and just had a great time.

She would look at the mountains and ask to 'cwimb' them. I know this must come from Joe's side.

On Friday, we headed over to Salt Lake City where we had a nice lunch downtown. MAJOR how could my camera battery be dead moment: After we parked for lunch, we needed to cross a busy street. There were flags for crossing. Nora and I were about to just jaywalk, but Joe INSISTED that we do it properly. He carried a flag across while Nora and I trailed sheepishly. Here's a picture of the flags -- how I wish I had my own... I guess MM's warning not to swear on the streets of SLC scared us straight. After lunch, we just hung out the hotel. Nora was running back and forth getting everything out. Joe and I were enjoying relaxing so much that we just let her. Here is just a sample of the rockstar's damage to the room within minutes: You can't really see the ground in Cheerios and pretzels. When my lazy self got up to inspect the damage, I asked her what on earth had happened here? She looked all around the room and then said, "I fell?" Nora displayed SUCH finesse ordering and handling room service that night that I'm a bit worried to present a regular dinner to her tonight.

The next day, we walked over to Temple Square and saw the Temple and such. I must say that the Mormon's disappointed us. After reading all of the travel pages warning against conversion attempts, it was like going to a gay bar and no one hitting on us. We're evidently not what they're looking for. Luckily, Chris let us in on the Gateway shopping center. Nora had a blast playing in the water there. It was just luck that we had another outfit with us. We bought Nora a Barack Obama doll/figure which she cuddles and loves. She was loving on it so much that our cabdriver back to the hotel gave her some of his Obama stickers which she also LOVED. We then headed out to Antelope Island for something to do and so that Nora could nap on the way. If you're out that way and have time, we loved Antelope Island. It was so gorgeous and unstructured. Nora slept all of the way out and woke up unhappy (normal for her naps) Not even the buffalo could cheer her. Luckily, we found a shop where we stopped for refreshment. She had her first 7-Up. It makes her make this face: But it sufficiently cheered her for more pictures and rock hunting and climbing. Here she is holding her baby rock while sitting on the daddy rock. Please don't turn us in, but we let her keep the baby rock and she's still hauling it around today. When we were headed back to the car she noticed a trail going up and REALLY wanted to 'cwimb' it. Joe and I were justifiably reluctant as she never walks on her own. To our surprise, she climbed all the way up with us AND all the way down. It was a blast.

On the way home, Nora had a meltdown, but was then comforted by reading the safety specs of our aircraft.

To close, a little 'Utah' humor:

liquor store sign:

SLC graffiti:

those bad asses wrote POOP on a window. You can bet I locked the car doors quickly after seeing that.

do they have to evict you from a hotel?

We're here and we're loving it. Utah is even prettier than I imagined.

farewell civilan life

becca went back to fort leonardwood today. I don't even know what to write about it. I don't know what to hope for except her safety and God's providence.

I loved having her home. It makes me cry to think I took not one stupid picture with her.

the favor of not poisoning my child

the award for not poisoning my child (anymore) goes to Babies R Us and Philips Avent. I've known that our Avent bottles had BPA and because we weren't sure if we'll have more children, I didn't really do anything about it. The other day, I called BRU to find out if they had an exchange program for Avent bottles because it occurred to me that even if I didn't use them, I should be able to pass down hundreds of dollars worth of bottles. The pleasant person I spoke with informed me that they did a bottle for bottle exchange and that all I had to do was bring them in. Last night, we went to BRU to buy this (on Steph's recommendation):

So, I took the opportunity to gather up just SOME of the many bottles we have for the exchange. When I brought them up, I was met with hostile "Who told you about that program?" questions from two different employees. When I told them I had called, blah, blah, blah, they then challenged me that they needed the original receipt and packaging. Joe and I about fell over laughing about the packaging. I pressed them and finally was told that they would take them back in sets of three because that is how they sell them (not really true, but whatever), that each bottle had to have every piece (including the little lock piece and useless caps), and that after I provided all of that, I could then have a package of two BPA-free bottles for the low low price of $6.99 (there's a MAJOR price difference for non-poisonous bottles, duh). I told the girl that I would comply with all of that but that while I realized she was only doing her job, I hoped that she would pass along my frustration with the company for being quite difficult when it came to making good on my (implied) purchase of 'safe' bottles. She then informed me that she and the company were doing me a favor and that they didn't have to do any of this.

I guess I owe BRU and Philips Avent a big thank you for charging me after selling me poisonous baby bottles.

When I return from our trip, you can be sure that I'm finding each and every bottle for them.

utah ho

i do not know why utah makes me want to say 'ho', but it does. We leave early Wednesday morning for Utah. Joe will have meetings Wed - Fri and Nora and I will hang out at in Park City and then we'll stay in SLC Friday - Sunday. We really have no plans except enjoying each other's company and visiting a new place. I've done a little research on what to see while there: Temple Square, Heritage Park (although honestly, anything with the word 'heritage' in its title makes me skeevy), Tracy Aviary, The Tabernacle, SL Temple... we'll play it by ear. The weather is supposed to be beautiful so we'll get to enjoy being outdoors in the very least.

Now I just need to get through tomorrow's work day and figure out how to pack in order to comply with Homeland Security and Miss N.
I wonder if there's a limit on how much caillou can be packed...

things i don't want to forget

i wish i could bottle the feeling of nora's tummy breathing against mine as she sleeps in my arms.

things i don't want to forget

some things i love about my sugarfoot:

• she has the sweetest manners. yes please, no thank you, thank you, please, and excuse me. unless she's not in the mood for niceties, of course.


• she loves her baby dolls so thoroughly. she kisses on them and squeezes them and says 'love you SO much'


• she adores her aunties and has such a good time with them


• she works very hard. she feeds the cats, cleans up her toys, feeds the birds, sets the table, helps to make dinner, feather dusts and carries groceries in


• she fake laughs ala Caillou


• she's pretty brave. if something scares her or makes her nervous (such as halloween decorations at some stores), she grabs me tighter and forges ahead. same goes for when joe and she play chase and hide games.


• if i don't understand something she says, she patiently gives me other clues to get me to her point.
• she says goodbye to everyone and everything

preemptive strike

today i have the pleasure of a day off with my daughter. After getting her dressed, fed, and sufficiently cuddled, I jumped in the shower. When I got out, Nora walked in naked as a jaybird with a comb stuck in her hair and said, "What are YOU doing?"

allow me to save you $65

i anxiously awaited the delivery of Philosphy's 'the microdelivery peel.' Waited until Nora was tucked in. Read the directions twice. And then waited for an amazing facial experience...

and waited...

and double checked in the mirror...

It's a nice, gentle scrub. Unfortunately, the end product is no better than sugar and honey which I can get for free when I reallocate my local diner's resources to my bathroom.

'N Sync: more than your favorite band

just went downstairs because i was missing nora more than usual. She hugged me several times SO SO tight and kept kissing me. I guess we're just craving each other today...

and speaking of your other favorite band, Poison... still off the Diet Coke Plus. I've had some with Captain Morgan but that's it.

lawnmower man

i can't believe i forgot to get this down... To understand Joe's method of mowing our lawn, you must first know that he is an engineer. This means that he has ONE, EXACT way of mowing the lawn. This method has been thought to death and he believes it to be THE right way to mow. Thus decided, there would never be any (good) reason to veer from the method. For instance, one time Nora's playhouse was in a different spot and I was going to move it for him. I figured he would go around me and then catch that spot on the next go-round. Wrong. He had to stop and wait. When I asked him why he didn't go around me, he replied that it never occurred to him to do so. (the method)

Imagine my surprise when I looked down from Nora's bedroom and saw 'Obama' mowed into our front lawn.

he challenges our Obama sign stealers to take this one.
speaking of which, my new signs finally arrived today.

get over it

m. just called and after we chatted a bit asked what was wrong. I said nothing and then she said that I sounded irritated. I laughed and said that I was irritated bc Nora wouldn't do the stupid card for Joe. She recommended putting it up on high shelf and telling her that it was MINE. :P So, I'm over it. There's only room for one two year old in this house.

happy 39th

today is joe's 39th birthday. We'll celebrate by making his favorite dinner (tacos) and having a chocolate chocolate cake. Nora and I got him some dr marten boots that he'll like. I bought a card that allows you to record a message -- I was so excited because he could take it with him on trips and such... if ONLY Nora would say Daddy, Love You, Birthday... anything, really. Currently we have her crying and shouting NO.
the best laid plans...

who reads your blog

all of these online methods of connecting, communicating, keeping in touch, and wasting time tickle every ADD tendency I have. My little sisters use My Space, my (online, real life, and both) friends and acquaintances use Facebook, my sept mommy friends use iVillage, and some of my friends read this blog. Sometimes something will come up and I'll think, 'oh! this person doesn't know about that - it was only on my blog (or whatever).' Part of me wants to consolidate it all and another part makes me wonder what I'd write if everyone from every part of my life had access. It would certainly be a level of honesty that I'm not sure would be conducive to relationship.
maybe i'm just too old for all of it.

best invite ever

in my email this morning:

Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking?

Recently I watched M. (her fiance) fill the coffee maker with water using a mixing bowl.

I am thinking we are long overdue for a Girls Only gathering...

My house November 8th, 7pm?
Fondue, Chocolate, Wine, Comfortable Clothes.
How does that sound?
Please invite anyone I have missed or anyone you would like to include.
My address is: XXXX N. Sheridan #xxxx, Chicago, IL 606XX, PH: 773-555-XXXX

Please let me know if you will be able to make it .......Thanks!

this is how we do it

how we mays girls eat half a donut

how she rocks the fashion world

poison isn't just your favorite band

i drink entirely too much diet coke. So much Diet Coke that I switched to Diet Coke Plus -- you know, the one with the vitamins and minerals. My grandma always told me it was poison and I suspect that it works against my body diet wise and whoknowswhatelse-wise. The thing is, I love it. Let me say that again, to be clear: I. Love. It.

And I love DC Plus even more. Today, I've had none and I'm going to at least do all day if not several days. So far so good. I'm tired, but that's it.

why do i always love the bad shit.

little bursts of mommy creativity

car we made last weekend when I really needed to finish cleaning and she wasn't having it...

her new book nook under the stairs

overheard

Nora: I'm mommy.
Joe: You're Mommy?
Nora: Uh huh. I'm Mommy.
Joe: Oh, good! Will you make dinner mommy?
Nora: Uh Huh.
Joe: What are you making tonight?
Nora: Fwies!

she's coming home

i can't believe it. Becca is on her way home. She'll fly into O'Hare tomorrow morning. She's got 20 days convalescent leave due to the amount and severity of the stress fractures in her heels, feet, and knees. can't wait.

green dilemma

my soul belongs to

but my heart belongs to

well, its about time

makes me wish i still smoked so i could pull these fingerless pieces of crazy out...

we're hoping the mira in miralax stands for miracle

almost from birth, nora has cried when she has to poop. It has only worsened as she's grown. At one of her first checkups, Joe asked the pediatrician if maybe she had experienced pain one time and learned to be afraid of it. The doctor said it was impossible because children don't form body memories like that until they are two or, more likely, three. So, each appointment, I bring it up and each appointment, I am told that she is fine and will outgrow it. She is now two years old and its just as bad as ever. Thanks to Steph, who gave me a friendly nudge, I made an appointment with a pediatric GI specialist at the University of Chicago. And guess what the diagnosis is? At some point in little Nora's life, pooping hurt her and she learned to fear it. She now holds it which only causes more pain. Its a vicious cycle and hopefully, Miralax will help her relearn that pooping is cool. Our pediatrician is so fired. I'm just sick that allowed my baby to have daily pain for two years. Sick.

An interesting side effect of Miralax is some vicious gas. Today at dance class the other moms were all sniffing around like what the hell is that? What could I do?

I just sniffed around with the same sour pusses they had.

old nonsense

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

this week is going to be my unencumbering week. I haven't been starting my days serenely and I think it is because of all of the old nonsense that I haven't discarded or dealt with. A couple phone calls, thank you notes, family matters, photos, tschochkes, people, weeds, returns, lists... All of these add up to the detritus that is weighing my days down. I think today I will write the notes that are waiting, and deal with some of the notes floating around this office. Maybe by the end of the week, my desk, countertops, and head will be clear.

goodbye caitie

today was caitie's funeral. It was heartbreaking and sweet. So many young people and so many stories of what a loving and sparkling love she was. She is so very missed.


CAITLYN M. L WHEATFIELD, IN Caitlyn M. L, age 18, of Wheatfield, IN, passed away on Monday, September 15, 2008. She is survived by her parents, Bill and Janet L of Wheatfield; one brother, AMN William H. L Jr. of TX; one sister, Nicole M. L, at home; paternal grandmother, Jeanette L of Lowell; maternal grandmother, Moneta F of Ft. Wayne; numerous aunts, uncles and cousins; fiance, Chris E of Demotte. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, September 20, at 2:00 p.m., at Sheets Funeral Home, 604 E. Commercial Ave., Lowell, IN. Pastor Charles H officiating. Cremation following. Friends are invited to call on Friday from 2:00-8:00 p.m. at the funeral home. Caitlyn was a 2008 graduate of Kankakee Valley High School. She had just completed CNA training and was beginning a career at Lowell Healthcare Center in Lowell.

nora's 1st dance class

Anxious to Leave for Class

The Studio is on the Third Floor!

She went over to the teacher long enough to nab a cool costume.

and another...

Did some bar work...

And when I told her that she couldn't hang from the bar, she promptly ended her class...

grandma's notes

dearest becca,

my heart is breaking for you, for caitie, for me, for all of us. Each person I see smiling makes me want to kick them in the head to help them understand that Caitie is gone. when i was 19, i lost my good friend Donna. She was my only true friend in Texas and our friendship had been forged upon the unfortunate similarities of us both being married to assholes. Donna, being much smarter than I, left her asshole and began to truly blossom. On her birthday, she was killed in a car accident and my heart was just torn open. Grandma sent me the following note which was a comfort to me and as I re-read it, I'm certain it was meant for you, too. Bear with the grandma-isms and me adding your name. I just know this is for you.

Dear Sarah (and Becca),

My sincere sympathy in the loss of a dear friend. I was reminded of how I lost a good friend too when I was seventeen -- I was the 'hired' girl and he, the 'hired' man -- we had a very rainy day which turned into a big flood over a wide area.

We rec'd calls from parents if we could get to a teacher & her school children who were marooned on what looked like a small island. A wagon & team of horses and the hired man tried to get to them -- But in a few seconds the wagon was capsized & horses & driver disappeared before my eyes. We found his body the following day. I have never been so affected in my whole life -- I had a hard time getting over it and I know you will, too. Your mother said she was from the East -- We are living in a troublesome world.

Your mother is so worried about you. Sarah(Becca) ask God for help not to get what you want but what He knows you need. Let your request be known unto God. He is the only one who really loves you and knows what you need.

Your mother said your friend's friend was killed too? Was he in the Army? I'm so sorry you are going through all this. It must be bad for the parents too. They were both so young.

Love, Grandma
My sweet girl. Know that you are never alone even when you're feeling completely isolated. We all carry you in our hearts and souls -- specially me.

I love you.

oh, caitie

becca's best friend, caitie, died in a car accident yesterday (on becca's birthday) We're trying to reach Becca now. Oh, sweet Caitie. and oh, sweet becca. How can I heal your little heart.

happy birthday becca

becca turns nineteen today. How I wish she was here to celebrate this wonderful day with us. I still remember the day my mom came home with her. Her little button nose, tiny body, and HUGE personality. She was and is a (spirited) joy. At this point, I'd be grateful to be able to call her. I did get to talk to her on Saturday which was nice. She is in "warrior rehab" because she shattered both of her heels. Once she is done 'rehabbing' she will have to re-do basic and then move on to her actual job training. Warrior rehab is nice because she gets her phone on weekends and even gets passes to the PX. However, it's incredibly boring and still very restrictive.

I mailed her a box of party hats, blowers, bubbles, balloons, and books and she got to open it, but they took everything but the books away -- there are no birthdays in basic, private. At least she got to open it which really was the fun part of it. She asked me to get her a watch that is digital and tells military time and, as proof of how much she's assimilated (for better or worse), when I asked her what style she'd prefer she replied digital that tells military time. It is on its way to her but it all fills me with conflict. My parents and even Becca herself, say things like, "maybe this will work out for the best." I feel like jumping up and down and screaming that forced adaptation, survival, and possible success does not erase the criminality of the actions that got her in this place. I don't have the energy to be a one woman warrior. Please just let her be safe or I might lose my mind.

Another rant-in-the-making... she went to the PX this weekend and set up her own account with Verizon. She got a new phone and a decent plan and paid six HUNDRED dollars for it. When I set up the same thing on line for a new plan, I would have been charged $80. She's mailing me the paperwork and has learned (I hope) her lesson to go ahead and consult one of us before entering any financial agreements. I'm just sick that the military would allow such predatory capitalism on their own posts for new recruits. I'll reserve taking down the entire company and government until I see the paperwork and understand it.
I'm going to find some pictures of Becca as a baby and scan them. Cuz I have nothing else to do. :P

Childhood Cancer Awareness Day

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and today is the first ever National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day. The effects of childhood cancer nationally are devastating (although hopeful) and getting the word out for support and research is paramount. We've been touched by our friend, Dante, who is kicking Neuroblastoma's butt with grace. Gold ribbons have been selected to represent the cause and our playgroup friends all took pictures with gold balloons for Dante. Nora didn't feel up for posing with the balloons all over the house. Here is what we were able to get.

she's my wonkytonk woman

i had a pap smear this morning. It was as pleasant as a pap could be (no weigh-in, for example). The best part of the whole thing was that Dr. McM confirmed that Y. is the reason for my wonky periods. All of our lives, Y. has controlled my periods. When I lived in TX and she lived in IN, we'd visit each other and my body would go bananas trying to get on her cycle. It's not as if I'd rub up into her armpits -- just being near her makes my hormones straighten up and fly right. What can I say? She's a natural born leader. Unfortunately for Y. and my period, Y. had to have a hysterectomy. And since then? Wonkytown. I've never experienced spotting and craziness ever. Until now.

Dr. McM recommended getting new friends to settle down. Screw new people. I'm just gonna groove in wonkytown and try to make Y. feel guilty about it.

happy early bday to us

i'm so excited. I bought these from here for Y and I for our birthdays (which are 2 months away...)

for Y

and for me