i'm not okay

becca left for basic training today. Becca has always been the sister I am closest to - even when she was little. We just get each other. Even the most heinous family gatherings are okay if I can steal glances and roll my eyes at her. From birth, she's been a spitfire and a challenge~ and though her roads are most often the most difficult paths, I know that her intention is true and her heart is pure. Long story short, she is my family. She makes my family family. She's my heart. For that matter, all of my sisters are my heart and I just don't know how to adjust to this new chapter where I cannot protect her or see her.

all day tears have been falling down my cheeks while I tried to work. On the way to lunch, I lost it and almost didn't pull in because of my red puffy eyes and tears. Lesson learned -- everyone at the house was crying. We all (family, friends, etc. - with the very notable exception of my brother) gathered at Mom's and had "shit on a shingle" for lunch and toasted her new journey with sparkling cider. I feel as though my heart has been pulled out and I've been beaten. I know that she will be okay and that she must move on to her next chapter. Knowing this doesn't make it one bit easier. In between my tears and fears, is a seething anger/hatred for this administration and the entire system set up to purchase poor kids. I'm really not sure what to do with all of these emotions. Luckily(?) I have a meeting tonight so I am limited in my wallowing time. Here are my sisters (no brother but that's for another day) and I today: