and on the sixth day, she finally updated

{update Dad} on the way to the hospital one day this week i was listening to 'This American Life.' This episode was on last words. They quoted an epitaph from a New England gravestone: "it is a fearful thing to love what death can touch" A beautiful quote that was perfect for this week. Dad had a difficult week that ended on a positive note. He is in a step down care unit (not ICU and not a regular room) and on a bipap mask 24 hrs a day which means he still can't really talk or eat -- but it means no restriction on visitors so Johna and Nora can visit now. At least he is no longer intubated. He will never be intubated again as we have placed a partial DNR order specifying such. His body is no longer expelling CO2 properly. Normal level range from 35 - 45 and when my Dad came into the ER, he was at 153. The ventilator brought his levels down into the normal level. Off of the ventilator for 24 hours, his levels are already at 80. I do not know what will happen next -- only that he longs to go home and we want to take him there.

{update Nisey} Nisey returned to school on Wednesday. She and I texted back and forth throughout her first hour until her phone was taken away. My mom called both of us little shits for that~~ lol~~I figured her courage of showing up was enough. Anyhow, she said that her heart was about beating through her chest and she was so scared ~ especially of third and fifth hours where she would have to face the involved girls. She had to face her ex-best friend (we'll call her her NBF[thanks, Chris]). NBF was angry with Nisey because malicious redneck texter (MRT) was punished. NBF told Nisey that MRT didn't deserve it. Nisey told NBF that she didn't know what MRT did. NBF said 'she only TEXTED you.' Nisey told NBF that she didn't know what she texted, though... NBF then said, "Yes, I do. I was right there when she sent them." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Nisey has come through this week with flying colors considering all that is going on in her young life. She did call me one night and ask if we couldn't figure something out like Jordan did for high school. I assured her that we could... She deserves to have this handled as the family priority but with our Dad's health, it just hasn't been possible. She received the gift of a journal (thank you, A) and is using it. If I receive her permission, I'll share her first entry. It's amazing. She's amazing.

{update Bean} it seems unfair to blame my exhaustion on little bean given the week i've had. BUT, I'm so tired. Laughably tired. Two examples of how tired I've been: Nisey came to the hospital on Tuesday and I went to the ICU lounge with her to discuss her trip and going back to school and fixed a cup of coffee. And drank half of it. I told her that if this baby is hyped up it's all on Auntie Nisey. The next day, I was there all day and then went home for a bit and came back in the evening. I was kicked out of ICU for a shift change and went to the cafeteria and had some water and looked out the window... and saw an old white Buick skyhawk... the same car I had in college... and thought (just for a second, but still) maybe it was my former self pulling up! Other than that, I feel well. My hair is curly again -- my hair went straight while pregnant with Nora -- after having her, it returned to a sort of wavy set up. Now it seems curly again. That's my only update on bean. We're at 5 weeks and bean is the size of a sesame seed and tiring out mama.

{update Nora} nora is wonderful. She has been regularly cracking me up. Today before nap, she chose the 'Time for Bed' book. Each page, she'd yell to the character, "Don't go to bed! Stay awake! No Nap!" Its been so wonderful to be home with her these past two days (although my lack of working this week is stressing me out -- I have to remember that I attempted to quit 8 months ago because my family is a full-time job.) I had to take her to the doctor again because she's had diarrhea all week and little to no appetite. Doc says its most likely one of the numerous viruses which would cause the symptoms. Should be gone by Tuesday and if its not, we'll test further. Other than those symptoms, Nora is drinking her usual ton and happy. She's funny and lovely and sweet as sugarpie. After our meal prayer (which is a short prayer - the same every time), she says, and bless Grandpa. Without prompting. I love it and feel guilty at the same time.

{update You} thank you so much for your prayers, thoughts, emails, gifts, research, texts, and calls. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. Thank you.