things i don't want to forget

nisey (14 yo sister) texted becca (18 yo sister) after she left for basic training:

"I know we've been on each other's shit lists for ever but I totally back you 100%"

reveal for steph

ok... got a clear reveal bulb at lowe's.

i'm not okay

becca left for basic training today. Becca has always been the sister I am closest to - even when she was little. We just get each other. Even the most heinous family gatherings are okay if I can steal glances and roll my eyes at her. From birth, she's been a spitfire and a challenge~ and though her roads are most often the most difficult paths, I know that her intention is true and her heart is pure. Long story short, she is my family. She makes my family family. She's my heart. For that matter, all of my sisters are my heart and I just don't know how to adjust to this new chapter where I cannot protect her or see her.

all day tears have been falling down my cheeks while I tried to work. On the way to lunch, I lost it and almost didn't pull in because of my red puffy eyes and tears. Lesson learned -- everyone at the house was crying. We all (family, friends, etc. - with the very notable exception of my brother) gathered at Mom's and had "shit on a shingle" for lunch and toasted her new journey with sparkling cider. I feel as though my heart has been pulled out and I've been beaten. I know that she will be okay and that she must move on to her next chapter. Knowing this doesn't make it one bit easier. In between my tears and fears, is a seething anger/hatred for this administration and the entire system set up to purchase poor kids. I'm really not sure what to do with all of these emotions. Luckily(?) I have a meeting tonight so I am limited in my wallowing time. Here are my sisters (no brother but that's for another day) and I today:

colors

the entire first floor will have the handscraped oak flooring. The kitchen will have white cabinets and appliances with dark countertops. Here are the colors we're considering (Audobon Russet kitchen, Philadelphia Cream possibly everything else, Bradstreet Beige possibly everything else):

morning light

evening with a lamp

floored

our old floors. Please allow yourself time and energy to appreciate all of the different flooring we have in what amounts to one big room. Three kinds of linoleum, plywood, 2x4s, finished (classy) plywood, oak, and a nice tar/newspaper combo. My favorite though is the strip of concrete which Nora used to stop at and kiss. It's our own little blarney stone. I'll miss it. I won't miss having to be super creative with rugs and cleaning.

the new flooring arrived today. It won't be long...

things i don't want to forget

things are still crazy chaotic here. After tomorrow, they should get better enough that I can actually think... for now, another item for my memory list.

Johna and I were riding in the car and talking about M. (Yeenie's son ~ they go to the same school.) I said how much I loved him and being around him and she said, "Yeah, M's nice. Until he's not so nice. Then he bites." [sidenote: this is very true. M has sensory issues, etc. and sometimes lashes out -- but he's doing so much better.] I agreed with her but also said that some people get frustrated or angry much more quickly and that they have to work on learning how to figure that out. I told her that M worked very hard every day and that I hoped that she would remember that and help him out where she could. Johna agreed that he worked hard and also told me that she gets angry quickly, too.

Silence.

"Yeah! M is like God!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes. Because God is always trying to do the right thing and he gets angry at us quick but forgives us quick, too. Just like M."

things i don't want to forget

Hannah and Johna ran into the house to tell Mom that they stopped Boots (the cat) from killing a mouse. Mom said, "Don't stop them from killing mice! Only birds! I don't want those mice around the house." Mom said there was silence for a while and then Johna said, "Can we have some cheese please?"

family art

with the house torn up and a million things going on, here's a happy post of family art. Nora 'commissions' each piece and then Joe or I draw what we've been told. Nora then approves each piece by marking it once with her piece of chalk. Here's our most recent installment:

great... so everyone can make it.

we've had quite a few issues up in the air. Whether or not the contractors would come and start the project this week. Whether or not my brother is coming into to town and if he is, where they are staying. But guess what? Everyone. EVERYONE. Is. Coming. Tomorrow, the crew will demo half of the first floor - the kitchen, Nora's dressing room (old sewing room), the laundry area, part of the current dining area, and NOT the bathroom, but the bathroom is located in the demo area. After doing that, I have to get the drywall contractors in along with an electrician before they lay a new floor in the entire first floor and then start to build a kitchen for us (in a Nora's old dressing room). Also, my brother and his family are indeed coming. Friday night. Staying for a WEEK. At Casa de Mays. With my one year old nephew. Oh. And I can't take more vacation time, because we're going on vacaton the second week of August.

One thing at a time. We must pack up most of our home tonight. We must move the refrigerator, microwave, and basics to our tiny living room.

It will all be worth it.

notes on nora

we were able to go swimming today again for an hour and a half. While getting ready, she pointed to my bra and said SO excitedly, "What's that? What's that?" I told her "bra" and she said, "YEAH!!!!" and pointed to her eyebrow and kept saying bwa, eyebwow, bwa, eyebwow until I said Yes! They sound alike! She was very pleased.



She is still loving going underwater and gets around the pool in a ring like a dream. Its so cute. I sure wish ISR classes were available here as they would give me some peace of mind. She's getting much better at kicking and moving her arms. I hope that by next year that translates into some form of emergency swimming (if necessary).



We threw bread out for the birds this morning. She loves doing it but is always frustrated by the fact that the birds do not obey her shouted orders to "C'mon birds!" "I have dinner!" "Where are you?" "Eat!" She'll then make a big deal out of reaching as far as she can and then saying, "Sky too far!" Keeps me in stitches.

everything but the kitchen sink

our remodeling crew may be available on monday to start the demo on our kitchen and dining room. This means that I have to pack up a major portion of my home, get everything ordered, and then figure out how to pay for it all. All along, I've wanted a farmhouse sink. No matter the price. No matter the wait. Until I found out that each of the models I had picked was SHALLOW. It's so frustrating. I want a big, deep sink so that Nora can continue to bathe in the kitchen. We have so much fun there so I want to keep it for as long as I can. I've spent hours comparing features, prices, availability. My dad has spent hours. Joe has listened to every detail and nuance of farmhouse sinks. I just freed myself from the tyranny of the sink. Screw it. I'm going to order a big old, regular, in stock sink. What a relief.

aardvark, you'll be an adult aardvark, soon

Arthur is my haven within the world of animation. Since the age of about 6, I haven't really cared for cartoons and becoming a parent hasn't changed that. In the swirls of improbability, whining, sexism, bad fashion, lessons repeatedly not learned, and I say again, improbability was the easy oasis of Arthur. He doesn't whine (though his little sister does) and I find the whole show entirely watchable. Until yesterday. When the episode either had a new actor or Arthur reached puberty. Blech. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.
Poor Nora.

may you thrive where you're planted

we moved jordan home for good yesterday. I will miss him terribly and probably won't really believe he's gone for a while as he's had so many trips this summer. On the two hour ride there, we offered advice and talked. It was funny because at first Joe and I were mostly kidding. Don't run with scissors. Don't bully. Wash your hands. Go to bed on time. But Jordan jumped upon each morsel and openly discussed a lot of issues. I couldn't have been prouder. He's such a wonderful kid. One of the things I told him was to always vote and he said 'I'll be able to vote in four years so I'll be able to support Obama's reelection.' If he wasn't already my favorite, that would have done it. Carla (his mom) gave us a very nice and unexpected thank you note. She said that we were good at caring for things so she gave us a hydrangea bush. She obviously hasn't heard of the fate of many a plant that has darkened our doorstep. Here are some pics of Nora and Joe prepping the bush's new home:

things i don't want to forget

My mom asking me if I knew anyone who would want a free ferret. I told her that I didn't think that anyone should ever want a ferret. She laughed and said, "Yes! The thing about ferrets is that they really look like you can't trust them. And you know what? You shouldn't."


My MIL's response in a conversation about why Nora is suddenly fearful of snakes. "We're afraid of snakes because God said to be afraid of snakes." (serious daughter-in-law points for not losing it. I had to bite my cheek. HARD.)


My mom's response to me telling her that my sister-in-law was back in jail because she was arrested with ten bags of heroin on her. "10 bags of heroin or 10 bags of chips what's the difference? We all have addictions and weaknesses. I guess they should lock us all up." I love that woman like crazy.

same time next year

i just got home from seeing lyle lovett with Y. My dad bought us tickets to see him at Ravinia in Highland Park, IL. Ravinia is a lovely park with pavilion seating as well as lawn seating. People come and have elaborate (or not. if you're me.) meals on the lawn and then enjoy the music. While searching for parking, Y and I somehow completely missed the lots and instead found ourselves climbing down a long set of stone steps to a small beach on Lake Michigan. Thanks to dad's pavilion tickets, we didn't need to score a primo lawn spot and we immediately decided that we would be having dinner right there. It was serendipitous ~ being 'lost' only to find a dream.

Lyle and his Large Band were incredible. Listening to the fiddle, cello, and bass cemented my flirtation with Suzuki instruction for Nora. He played two new songs (or at least new to me) and, as always, his lyrics and music just filled me with joy (and some laughs) for life. I just can't describe it, but wish I could... excellent music, a poet cowboy with a guitar, and my bff and me grinning from ear to ear. Can't ask for much more. Lyle, if you're reading this, we'll totally be there -- same time next year.

chair evolution

that's playdough

bee bee bee fwower fwower fwower

this afternoon, nora and i swam together for an hour and a half. I think at least a half hour of that heavenly time was spent leaning over the pool edge watching a bumblebee 'smell' all of the clover. She'd say 'bee, bee, bee!' 'fwower, fwower, fwower!' We also waved bye bye to every car, van, truck, coobah (schoolbus), and plane that crossed our path.
Nora wanted to go underwater more than her usual. She'd tell me to 'let go' and i would and she'd go under and just look up at me. The first time I waited as long as I could bear it to see if she'd kick or something... I pulled her up, she took a good breath and then clapped and laughed. This was not the response I was expecting. She immediately wanted to do it again so I obliged but after that I distracted her with jumping games that allowed her a little underwater play. She wore her swimming ring and broke out some awesome spinning moves that maneuver her all over the pool. I'll have to video them because they totally crack me up. To further my concerns about her lack of fear, she would put on two rings, then wiggle out of one of them, and then occasionally almost take the other one off. I try to not react too much because I've learned that she digs my hyper reactions. I just casually say, you don't know how to swim yet and look away. Thus far, it's been enough. Truth be told, I love the water and I'd rather she'd be a daredevil in the water than fearful. If I don't have a coronary first, she and I are headed for tons of swimming fun.

welcome home

tonight joe returns from his bidness trip. It will be so nice to have him home again. His help with the house, Nora, e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. is invaluable. That said, I have some observations from this trip:

• I enjoyed that time after Nora has gone to bed and I have showered and picked up immensely. Having someone around, even a very kind, helpful, and handsome someone is different than just owning your own brain. This free brain is probably only enjoyable knowing that help is on its way, but still... it's notable.


• I also really enjoyed going to my parents' home on a weekday night. I suppose it wouldn't be as fun if the girls were in school instead of on summer vaca. But it was fun and something I normally reserve for weekends.


• I need someone around in order to eat properly. I made Nora nutritious meals and even fake ate them with her, but I just didn't have it together.


• I can't wait for this house to be remodeled. There are so many things that would be much more enjoyable and organized if only... Unfortunately, we're waiting on P. to run out of construction gigs before he and his crew tackle casa de mays.

anyhow. I'm so glad he's coming home. Nothing is the same without him.

here's nora on the phone with daddy

yummy softness

thanks to steph and this i am soft and smell like a yummy cake.

i could've totally taken him

here's the dude i was ready to fight last night

which comes first? looking crazy or acting crazy?

http://cbs2chicago.com/local/weber.manhunt.indiana.2.765828.html