i keep hoping that we'll get everything unpacked, decorated and perfectly cleaned so that i can take proper 'after' pictures. This is not going to happen. So, here are my before and afters even though the work that everyone did deserves better. Our home is an old foursquare farmhouse built in 1890.
10 September 2008
05 September 2008
be happy
last night i was changing nora's diaper and she kept saying something that sounded like, "Doe Ooo-eeee" I kept saying, "pardon me?" I was giggling because she kept insistently repeating it. I leaned in and she patted my cheek and then said pretty clearly, "Don't Worry."
So, I'm not going to.
Posted by SaRaH at Friday, September 05, 2008 4 comments
02 September 2008
she's two
Posted by SaRaH at Tuesday, September 02, 2008 9 comments
28 August 2008
my intimacy
y. and i went to the my intimacy shop in chicago this afternoon for professional bra fittings. It was amazing and so worth it. Our boobs are actually lifted and separated without being torpedoes and/or touching our chins. I never thought I'd see the day. I walked around the city this evening and the straps stayed up and so did my boobs. Who'd have thought this day would come. Pigs are not flying and, as far as I know, hell hasn't frozen over. This visit was a part of our missions to take better care of ourselves and free up our energy for things that really matter to us. I spent a lot, but I've spent much, much more on bras that don't work for me (Steph can testify to my bra angst.) It's nice to check this off of my 'list'.
Posted by SaRaH at Thursday, August 28, 2008 2 comments
try not to insult the almighty while getting groceries
yesterday i ran to the grocery on my lunch. In the check out aisle, I noticed this:I know it's difficult to see because I took it with my phone, but it is, "The Idiot's Guide to the Last Days"
seriously?
Posted by SaRaH at Thursday, August 28, 2008 1 comments
22 August 2008
keepin that vacay feelin
on the way home from vacay, i jotted down some notes on what contributed to my peaceful, easy feelings on vacation. I want to work on incorporating them into our daily life as much as possible. Here are my notes:
simplicity ** pare down ** provide clear options ** make clear choices ** expect more ** take your breaks where they come ** organization clears the head and relaxes the body ** patience ** the ocean is always worth it
For now, I'm going to work on getting rid of anything in this house that I'm keeping for a maybe someday use. Having only what we need and/or love will make our lives better.
Posted by SaRaH at Friday, August 22, 2008 2 comments
things i don't want to forget
when Johna was around 4, we took her out to dinner. She looked at me very seriously and said sort of sadly, "What do you do when your belly is full but your mouth is still hungry?"
Nora loves, loves, loves to pretend she's going to drive each time we go to the car. It cracks her up to climb up there only to be told, "babies don't drive!" After going through that scenario, she normally goes into her seat more easily than without having a try at driving. When she honks the horn people look over with daggers and I could not care less.
When Becca was in preschool, her teacher called home to tell my mom that she had been crying and when she was asked what was wrong she told them that missionaries had killed her brother and sister and that her mom was in jail. My mom laughed and said, "Well, her mom is in jail (bio mom) and I guess we'll have no more Christian bedtime stories!" When Becca came home, my mom asked her about it and Becca looked around all nervous like and said, "WHERE WERE YOU????"
Posted by SaRaH at Friday, August 22, 2008 1 comments
20 August 2008
the county came
doesn't that just sound like the beginning of some southern novel touted by that she devil, oprah? I guess that provides me some perspective that its not as bad as it could be. They've been out over ten times over the past three months because a neighboring property is getting water from what the neighbor believed to be our property. Three dye tests showed us to be in the clear. Until this week, I guess. They came back and did it again and this time, it showed that it's our septic. Even the county guy can't believe it. It just makes me sick. We just had a huge new system put in a year and a half ago. Paid a ton. Had our entire yard dug up. Replanted. Babied the lawn. Planted our perennials. Planted our bushes. It all makes me want to cry. I seriously can't face any of it again.
I'll try to work on gratitude over here.
Oh, and they took my Obama sign again.
Posted by SaRaH at Wednesday, August 20, 2008 0 comments
18 August 2008
home again, home again, jiggety jog
Posted by SaRaH at Monday, August 18, 2008 4 comments
07 August 2008
open letter to recruiting sgt rosas cantu
honestly, i can understand why you won't take or return any of my numerous calls. If I made my living lying to poor children in exchange for years of their life (if they're lucky) and really, quite possibly, their actual life, I surely wouldn't want to answer for it either. Do you even remember Becca? She's the beautiful, vivacious 17 year old who was confused about what to do with her life. I'm sure she doesn't stand out much as that definition rightfully fits many a seventeen year old. Also, if you really had seen her, I need to believe that you could have never done what you've done.
A month after her 18th birthday, we invited you to sit with our family and have Sunday dinner. While there, you answered some questions and avoided many others. Remember telling Becca that she'd never have to cut her hair as long as she tied it up? Ha. It seems so minor compared to some of your whoppers now, doesn't it? I remember it. I remember you pulling your hair down, swinging it around and showing us how you used to have it down to your bottom when you were first in the Army. Funny thing is that Becca had to cut her hair before she ever went to basic. Oh, and here's another one Sgt Rosas/Cantu whateveryourname is "If the army changes your contract, then it's void and you can get out" That's a direct quote from you. I wrote it down as you said it because I knew you were a liar. When I pointed out to you that the actual contract that you wanted this child to sign said, "Laws and regulations that govern military personnel may change without notice to me. Such changes may affect my status, pay, allowances, benefits, and responsibilities as a member of the Armed Forces REGARDLESS of the provisions of this enlistment document.", you said, "Oh, but they NEVER do that." And that little girl who is my very heart believed your disgusting lies.
I won't go item by item. Because really, what's the point? Rather, I'll fast forward to two nights ago... when I get a message around 4:00 pm CST that they're changing her contract and bonus and she doesn't know what to do or when she'll get to a phone again. There's no one (including you) that I didn't call. And not one of the persons who actually took my call (not you, of course) was 'able' to help. Becca was able to sneak in a hysterically crying phone call that night. When faced with the new contract, she told them, "Fuck you. I'm going home and going to college." That's when your friendly colleagues filled her in on the TRUTH. They told her that her recruiter must have misinformed her... She's now headed for basic and training in a field that she has no interest in. For FIVE years (oh yeah, remember that trick? She wanted to enlist for three, but you told her that in order to be in her chosen field, it had to be five...) Seriously, how much do they pay you?
The saddest part for you is that you are fully aware of the truth and continue with your sick, predatory actions. Purchasing poor kids for war. What the fuck? It's seriously more difficult for me to understand than say, the actions of a serial killer. In the absence of mental illness or horrible abuse or lack of mental capabilities, you go forward committing crimes against one poor family after another. I hear you're pregnant now... I hope that your newborn child will remind you of your humanness -- of everyone's humanness and therefore, their inherent value.
Her name is Becca. And she's precious beyond all earthly treasures.
Posted by SaRaH at Thursday, August 07, 2008 5 comments
04 August 2008
ssssshhhhhhh
nora now shhhhhh's us when we bring up displeasing topics. She does it sweetly and quietly, so it's difficult to know exactly what to do, except I do know that she probably should not shush adults...
"Let's go change your diaper" "shhhhhh"
"It's time for bed." "shhhhhh"
"Mommy needs to go potty a second." "shhhhh"
Also, she broke out the "I don't want to" this weekend. Again, she says it so sweetly. She's now working on understanding just how little that matters in many situations.
Posted by SaRaH at Monday, August 04, 2008 6 comments
31 July 2008
things i don't want to forget
nisey (14 yo sister) texted becca (18 yo sister) after she left for basic training:
"I know we've been on each other's shit lists for ever but I totally back you 100%"
Posted by SaRaH at Thursday, July 31, 2008 2 comments
reveal for steph
ok... got a clear reveal bulb at lowe's.
Posted by SaRaH at Thursday, July 31, 2008 6 comments
Labels: stuff
30 July 2008
i'm not okay
becca left for basic training today. Becca has always been the sister I am closest to - even when she was little. We just get each other. Even the most heinous family gatherings are okay if I can steal glances and roll my eyes at her. From birth, she's been a spitfire and a challenge~ and though her roads are most often the most difficult paths, I know that her intention is true and her heart is pure. Long story short, she is my family. She makes my family family. She's my heart. For that matter, all of my sisters are my heart and I just don't know how to adjust to this new chapter where I cannot protect her or see her.
all day tears have been falling down my cheeks while I tried to work. On the way to lunch, I lost it and almost didn't pull in because of my red puffy eyes and tears. Lesson learned -- everyone at the house was crying. We all (family, friends, etc. - with the very notable exception of my brother) gathered at Mom's and had "shit on a shingle" for lunch and toasted her new journey with sparkling cider. I feel as though my heart has been pulled out and I've been beaten. I know that she will be okay and that she must move on to her next chapter. Knowing this doesn't make it one bit easier. In between my tears and fears, is a seething anger/hatred for this administration and the entire system set up to purchase poor kids. I'm really not sure what to do with all of these emotions. Luckily(?) I have a meeting tonight so I am limited in my wallowing time. Here are my sisters (no brother but that's for another day) and I today: 
Posted by SaRaH at Wednesday, July 30, 2008 3 comments
29 July 2008
colors
Posted by SaRaH at Tuesday, July 29, 2008 5 comments
floored
Posted by SaRaH at Tuesday, July 29, 2008 2 comments
things i don't want to forget
things are still crazy chaotic here. After tomorrow, they should get better enough that I can actually think... for now, another item for my memory list.
Johna and I were riding in the car and talking about M. (Yeenie's son ~ they go to the same school.) I said how much I loved him and being around him and she said, "Yeah, M's nice. Until he's not so nice. Then he bites." [sidenote: this is very true. M has sensory issues, etc. and sometimes lashes out -- but he's doing so much better.] I agreed with her but also said that some people get frustrated or angry much more quickly and that they have to work on learning how to figure that out. I told her that M worked very hard every day and that I hoped that she would remember that and help him out where she could. Johna agreed that he worked hard and also told me that she gets angry quickly, too.
Silence.
"Yeah! M is like God!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes. Because God is always trying to do the right thing and he gets angry at us quick but forgives us quick, too. Just like M."
Posted by SaRaH at Tuesday, July 29, 2008 0 comments
28 July 2008
things i don't want to forget
Hannah and Johna ran into the house to tell Mom that they stopped Boots (the cat) from killing a mouse. Mom said, "Don't stop them from killing mice! Only birds! I don't want those mice around the house." Mom said there was silence for a while and then Johna said, "Can we have some cheese please?"
Posted by SaRaH at Monday, July 28, 2008 2 comments
26 July 2008
21 July 2008
great... so everyone can make it.
we've had quite a few issues up in the air. Whether or not the contractors would come and start the project this week. Whether or not my brother is coming into to town and if he is, where they are staying. But guess what? Everyone. EVERYONE. Is. Coming. Tomorrow, the crew will demo half of the first floor - the kitchen, Nora's dressing room (old sewing room), the laundry area, part of the current dining area, and NOT the bathroom, but the bathroom is located in the demo area. After doing that, I have to get the drywall contractors in along with an electrician before they lay a new floor in the entire first floor and then start to build a kitchen for us (in a Nora's old dressing room). Also, my brother and his family are indeed coming. Friday night. Staying for a WEEK. At Casa de Mays. With my one year old nephew. Oh. And I can't take more vacation time, because we're going on vacaton the second week of August.
One thing at a time. We must pack up most of our home tonight. We must move the refrigerator, microwave, and basics to our tiny living room.
It will all be worth it.
Posted by SaRaH at Monday, July 21, 2008 4 comments
18 July 2008
notes on nora
we were able to go swimming today again for an hour and a half. While getting ready, she pointed to my bra and said SO excitedly, "What's that? What's that?" I told her "bra" and she said, "YEAH!!!!" and pointed to her eyebrow and kept saying bwa, eyebwow, bwa, eyebwow until I said Yes! They sound alike! She was very pleased.
She is still loving going underwater and gets around the pool in a ring like a dream. Its so cute. I sure wish ISR classes were available here as they would give me some peace of mind. She's getting much better at kicking and moving her arms. I hope that by next year that translates into some form of emergency swimming (if necessary).
We threw bread out for the birds this morning. She loves doing it but is always frustrated by the fact that the birds do not obey her shouted orders to "C'mon birds!" "I have dinner!" "Where are you?" "Eat!" She'll then make a big deal out of reaching as far as she can and then saying, "Sky too far!" Keeps me in stitches.
Posted by SaRaH at Friday, July 18, 2008 1 comments
16 July 2008
everything but the kitchen sink
our remodeling crew may be available on monday to start the demo on our kitchen and dining room. This means that I have to pack up a major portion of my home, get everything ordered, and then figure out how to pay for it all. All along, I've wanted a farmhouse sink. No matter the price. No matter the wait. Until I found out that each of the models I had picked was SHALLOW. It's so frustrating. I want a big, deep sink so that Nora can continue to bathe in the kitchen. We have so much fun there so I want to keep it for as long as I can. I've spent hours comparing features, prices, availability. My dad has spent hours. Joe has listened to every detail and nuance of farmhouse sinks. I just freed myself from the tyranny of the sink. Screw it. I'm going to order a big old, regular, in stock sink. What a relief.
Posted by SaRaH at Wednesday, July 16, 2008 2 comments
aardvark, you'll be an adult aardvark, soon
Arthur is my haven within the world of animation. Since the age of about 6, I haven't really cared for cartoons and becoming a parent hasn't changed that. In the swirls of improbability, whining, sexism, bad fashion, lessons repeatedly not learned, and I say again, improbability was the easy oasis of Arthur. He doesn't whine (though his little sister does) and I find the whole show entirely watchable. Until yesterday. When the episode either had a new actor or Arthur reached puberty. Blech. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.
Poor Nora.
Posted by SaRaH at Wednesday, July 16, 2008 0 comments
15 July 2008
may you thrive where you're planted
Posted by SaRaH at Tuesday, July 15, 2008 1 comments

